How I became obsessed with Jaffa Cakes

A few months ago, I was introduced to the joys of a BBC show called Spaced. Made by the same geniuses who created Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead, I found myself addicted to the show.

The best way I can describe it is that it tweaks a lot of the pop culture stuff I also riff on and brilliantly describes that time after college, but before the mortgage and kids. That time when I remember playing a lot of games, throwing a lot of random parties and just doing whatever I liked with the money we had.

It also helps that the music is awesome. I can't stop playing Mint Royale's From Rusholme with Love:

Or Lemon Jelly's The Staunton Lick:

But the best thing ever (WHICH I HAVE YET TO GET PROPERLY) is the A-Team dance remix:

I find it interesting that Simon Pegg has said definitely that there will never be another season of Spaced (it only ran for two seasons and 14 episodes total). I can't find the interview, but I recall him saying something on Twitter along the lines of "who would want to see 40-year-old Tim and Daisy doing the same thing over and over again?"

So like everyone else, I'm slowly moving on. A friend of mine has introduced me to a show called Outnumbered. And I think that this one may sum up the joys of life with kids and a mortgage:

I can picture myself having this conversation with my child in about a year or so.

But no matter what, I'm going to have a fond spot in my heart for Spaced. And Jaffa Cakes.

Why didn't I think of this earlier?

And by this, I mean THIS:



and THIS:



I mean, it's something that both K. and I have talked about doing for awhile. Making our own movie with puppets and random stuffed animals, but we never did. AND THEN CRAIG FERGUSON GOES AND DOES IT. AND MAKES IT LOOK WAY COOLER THAN I THINK I COULD DO WITH OUR SHITTY HOUSE LIGHTS AND MY HIGH STANDARDS OF PRODUCTION ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET.

But I have to say that I love how he does it. It's made me Tivo his TV show now to watch when I have a spare moment. His interviews are hysterical and he's just funny as hell. I like his ripping into Twilight and how the vampires in Twilight aren't sexy -- they're gay men. His interviews with fellow Scotsmen Ewan McGregor and James McAvoy are a hoot. He even makes Gerard Butler appealing to me (Now I'll have the damn Tarts gunning for me). Also, his monologue, which is a dazzling, brave and insane thing by going without a script is fun to watch. It's amazing how he can riff and not flop flat on his ass.

So I guess, my point right now is more that people should watch the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Even though he took an idea that I know I had years beforehand. If you're reading this Craig: I am waiting for my royalties check. But a signed copy of your book and tickets to your show will suffice.

An open letter to VH-1 before I pass out:

We're only eight years into the OO's. Why the hell make "I Love the New Millenium" show? I mean, you guys already have Best Week Ever and now this? What's next? I Love 10 Minutes Ago?

Admittedly, I'm curious now to watch 2001 and see how the snarksters on that show handle September 11th. Or even if you guys touch that sucker with a 10-foot pole.

Knock it off. Play some music videos dammit.

Love,

Viv

Luckily, the casing is as good as the sausage

For the past month or so, Jeff and I have been Netflixing HBO's Rome, the two-season epic series that detailed the last years of Julius Caesar and the power struggle that occurs after his death. Or as I like to put it, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern end up in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar."

We've both been enjoying it greatly -- the acting is spot-on, the storylines are wonderful for both political intrigue and soapy elements and the sets and costumes are absolutely fantastic. So yes, I do highly recommend it for people.

However, there is a crass part to this -- I've never seen so much *ahem* male sausage on TV before, if you get my drift. There's more wieners here than at a Usinger factory. In fact, there's a lot of nudity for both sexes. Which does make for some eyebrow-raising viewing -- so much for the image of the stodgy Brit. Apparently they like getting naked more than my two-year-old nephew.

But it got me thinking back to an essay that Keidra once wrote (which had now sadly disappeared into the Internet ether -- why is that when you want stuff to vanish online, it doesn't, but when you need something, it's gone?) about how there's a type of man for every woman in Lord of the Rings. I figure that lesson applies to Rome also.

Looking for charismatic, slightly egotistical, cocky, brash and slutty? Then there's Mark Anthony. Happy-go-lucky, simple, lusty and direct? Titus Pullo's your man. Cosmopolitan, cunning, powerful, yet with a weakness for forgiving his enemies? Julius Caesar. Moody, temperamental, but always trying to do the right thing, despite his pessimistic streak? Lucius Vorenus is the one to glower at you. Strong ability to read people, but also kind of sociopathic and with the idea of legislating morality? Octavian's the one to legislate your morality! Kinda emo at times about his mother and friends, but also witty? Marcus Junius Brutus.

I could go on, but I have to single Brutus out for one thing (or maybe it's the actor Tobias Menzies) -- there's one scene in the series where you see Brutus *ahem* show his not so little Brutus. It's a bit disconcerting to watch a great emotional scene and then think: "Y HELLO THAR BRUTUS! AND NOT-SO-LITTLE-BRUTUS!"

But that goes back to think of not being used to seeing male nudity (especially full-frontal) on TV. In the past, that was reserved for well, Harvey Keitel. Which is not exactly the person you want to see fully naked at times. But this is a bounty of riches for both women and men scoping out some interesting male flesh.

I think that the best way to sum this is up in from a M. Giant's TWOP recap of the show:

Julii Cooper is thoughtfully inspecting something that's being presented to her. The angle shifts to a bald slave standing before her with downcast eyes. In his hands he hold a pillow upon which rests a gold, jewel-encrusted turtle. And below the pillow is a ribbon tied in a bow around his otherwise naked cock. Everyone on the boards was talking about how hugely endowed this guy was, but I don't see it. It's perfectly normal. If he were thirty feet tall, I mean.

So, to sum up: Rome is good. Fantastic acting, fantastic writing, beautiful costumes and sets and a lot of nekiddness. While the nekiddness and sex might attract some people to the show, the writing, acting and everything else should keep people there.

ETA: My only complaint is that it's only two seasons of Rome. The second season feels like a lot is being crammed into it and it's a bit messier than the first season. Three seasons would've been ideal in my view.

After watching tonight's Ugly Betty

I take back some of the stuff that I said before. Oh, and:

Claire+Yoga=OTP!

That is all.

Dear Ugly Betty: (NOTE TO MY SISTER: DO NOT READ THIS SPOILERS WITHIN)

When I first saw you last year, you were without a doubt, one of the few TV shows out there that was worth making time for. Sadly, this season is kind of disappointing me.

I think it's because you're starting to get the premature story wrap-up syndrome. Storylines are now getting finished within an episode or two, which is not like a soap opera at all. Now I'm not saying that you need to hold out for years at a time like a daytime soap, but a little tease here and there is better than resolving storylines within a week or so.

I mean, Papi's enemy? Done within a few episodes. Santos and Justin being a little hellion? Also done with the same move as an after-school special.

Not to mention the fact that some reveals are now left in the dust such as the fact that Alexis now remembers that Bradford was a jerk to her pre-operation and she tried to have him killed -- BUT they're still good friends? WTF?

And how can Bradford -- the head of a publishing empire be so stupid with Willi? I mean, seriously, we're talking about a man who stood by his boozy, yet charming, wife when she murdered Faye Summers and we're expected to believe that he'd pitch her over for Willi?

Maybe it was the looming writer's strike. Maybe you didn't want to leave those plots out there in case you went into re-run ville. But really, it does kind of suck to watch. I kind of miss the long reveals -- I mean, a month or two of teasing out doesn't hurt at all.

But you're still a darling show. Mark and Amanda are wonderful and I still enjoy tuning into to watch. But I guess, what I have to say, is that the luster is starting to wear off. I want us to always be there for each other, and well, communication is key for that. So I guess that I wanted to express some of my concerns to you.

I hope you listen.

Love,

Viv

GO AMERICA!

I know that the Golden Globes aren't a real award show. Basically it's a chance for a bunch of foreign journalists to toss around their weight and hobnob with movie stars, who are drunk thanks to free food and drink.

But it still warmed my cold, black heart to see the cast of Ugly Betty with both best TV comedy and America Ferrera win Best TV Actress in a Comedy. Seeing the cast together was too adorable for words as they stormed the stage during the best TV comedy win. And really, in my mind, Ugly Betty deserves the accolades. It's smart, laugh-out-loud funny, soapy in all the right places and just adorable. It's probably the only appointment television show I have.

Not to mention, America looked slammin' in her outfit -- elegant and pretty. It was a nice change from all of the sweater vests and loud prints.

Oh, and Sasha Baron Cohen's acceptance speech was funny as hell.

Ugly's never looked so good

It's one of those shows that I keep meaning to Tivo (but for some reason, haven't yet), and I finally caught the pilot of Ugly Betty on ABC's Web site. And I think I love America Ferrera.

But I think I always knew that. She was probably one of the best things of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and I'm really happy people can see her range as an actress. The funny thing is that I don't see her as ugly -- maybe TV ugly -- but not fugly. Doesn't help that I think Ferrera's cute as hell with the curves and all.

But the show? It's awesome. Bitchy, campy and funny as hell. I love the seamstress and wish I could go out for drinks with her, as well as Betty. Hell, I even love her sister (traditional TV soaps would've had both of them attempting to kill each other instead of being supportive). Vanessa Williams is also spot on as the diva bitch and her little assistant Mark is wonderfully bitchy. The melodramatic parts are a bit much, but since it's based off of a telenova, I can forgive that. Since it's the pilot, I hope that things even out over time.

Oh, and I love the fact that Selma Hayek was able to bring this show to air (and she's a hoot in the telenovas Betty's family watches). Now I'm actually going to have good stuff to watch, instead of bitching about MTV.

This is why I'm not a morning person

Mother*BEEEEEP!*

I'm currently watching the Flavor of Love Reunion Show. I admittedly have no taste in shows. It's one of those things that I would watch on occasion just for background noise. Not to mention, when you watch Vh-1 during the week, the odds are pretty good that you'll see that show at least once.

Anyways, Jeff came into the living room: "What the hell is this? All I can here is 'beep, booop, beep!'"

Me, slightly embarrassed about admitting my trashy TV tastes: "It's Flavor of Love reunion show. I'm trying to decode it for Morse messages."

Him: *eyeroll*

Why do I always miss the good Olympic days?

I just saw the ice dancing event on the Olympics. While it was interesting, I wish I could've seen Sunday's COLLISION! ON! ICE! While the ice dancing event was entertaining, it lacked a certain amount of *cringe*I hope they nail the jumps and he doesn't drop her on her head*cringe* excitement. Admittedly, the costumes are a hoot -- it's like they armed Santino with a Bedazzler and said "Go to it man."

How'd I become a fashion nerd?

Most people have seen how I dress, which is why I feel confident in saying that I am not a fashionista. If I go out, it's in jeans and a T-shirt in a aging-geeky-punker-meets-12-year-old-hopped-up-on-goofballs sort of thing. Keidra's heard me say repeatedly I refuse to go to any nightclub with a dress code (my view is that what I'm wearing shouldn't matter -- my money's as good at the Gucci wearing asshole next to me, so get me my drink bitch). Most of my wardrobe is from Old Navy or Christmas presents. When pressed about it, my response is pretty much "I don't care."

And I don't. I don't care about how I look. You're lucky I'm wearing pants as I type this.

But I've become ADDICTED to Project Runway -- and a result of that, as well as Katie and Eva -- I'm becoming a fashion nerd. I've come to one conclusion -- Just because I HATE dressing up doesn't mean that I can't appreciate a nice piece of clothing or someone dressed well.

Fuck, I can't ice skate, but that doesn't prevent me from appreciating the Winter Olympics.

Anyways, thanks to this show, I've now figured out stuff that I would buy in a heartbeat that looks good and doesn't defeat my main goal in life -- to be as comfortable as possible.

Take for example Andrae's jersey dress for Niki Hilton (bitch is blind for not appreciating the simplicity and beauty of the design) -- it's cool looking, sexy and something I would totally wear if I had the body for it. It's a dress I WANT my friends to buy and wear, because I think it looks fantastic.

The other dress, which I have a feeling I could make myself is Kara Janx's kimono dress. It's another thing of simplicity, comfort and elegance. I can see wearing this outfit casually and to dress it up. And for the price she's charging, I better be able to do whatever the hell I want with it. Too bad it's not in my size.

As much as I think Santino should be bitch slapped for talking smack about my girl and fashion nerd, Diana, he does have some interesting stuff. But I think that's why I like them both -- they both have some really interesting ideas about fashion and clothing. I just think that Santino's a dick sometimes, whereas I really would love to hang out with Diana and Chloe.

But admittedly, I like seeing some of the high fashion stuff -- even if it's along the lines of "I would never wear that shit." I mean, Galliano's collection -- inspired by the French Revolution -- has been fascinating for me in a train wreck kind of way. I like seeing stuff like that, because it confirms to me that while I might not have taste, other folks don't either.

Unfortuantely they get paid a shitload more than I ever will. But then again, would anyone want a fashion line from me consisting of kitty-eared winter hats and pajama pants? I didn't think so.

Forget the music, what about the fashion?

Yesterday, I forsake Project Runway (NICK WAS ROBBED I'M TELLING YOU! ROBBED!) to watch the Grammys with Katie. I'm glad my boys (aka U2) swept the award show, but frankly, it was a hell of a lot of fun to snark on the following fashions:


Isn't it nice that Teri Hatcher decided to wear something from Project Runway's Daniel Franco's Lovemaking lingerie line? It looks like she just rolled out of bed and ran to the awards show because she was late or something.


We all know that Madonna looks fabulous for 47 and is a fashion icon, but is support hose, a leotard and corset really the next big thing?



Kayne apparently stole his sunglasses from Kool Moe Dee.

One outfit I have to say that I liked was Fiona Apple's:



I can't explain why. Maybe it's because on Fiona it looks classic mixed with crazy, but in a good way. She's the type of girl who can rock the vintage look and make it look cool, not dowdy.

As for the performances, I don't remember much, except that U2 and Mary J tore shit up with One. Some people don't like her version, but I adore it. Takes a song that sounds weary and bitter and puts some heat and rage behind it. Anyone who can match Bono performance-wise deserves props in my book.



Oh, and Coldplay sounded like the U2 tribute band. Will someone either shave Chris Martin's white-boy fro, or punch him for me?

Oh I feel dirty for watching this

Right now MTV's got on some really weird ass faux documentary about Game Killers, which takes the dating scene and turns it into some strange big game hunt where men can learn about the stereotypical obstacles to getting some.

Amusingly enough, the show was produced by Bartle Bogle Hegarty, the advertising agency behind Axe (you know, that stupid deodorant commercial that says that if you put Axe on, women will be ripping your pants asunder) as an hour-long commercial.

An article by Jack Myers Media Village had the following quote:

"We're all evolving into getting more sophisticated and more creative about the way that marketing messages might work in concert with programming, and actually enhance the programming and the content, and be very organic and very real. I think [Gamekillers] is one of those circumstances where it's a very different kind of relationship between the brand and the show than any kind of traditional good, or not so good, product placement," said John Shea, Executive Vice President, Integrated Marketing/Brand Partnerships, The MTV Music Group.

Interesting -- it's like we're heading back to the early days of television when shows were sponsored by a single advertiser. There's already product placement in shows -- witness the Tresemme mentions on Project Runway and the Gauntlet's mention of the T-Mobile Sidekick when they receive missions.

Frankly, if I'm not interested in the product, I'm not going to buy it anyways. Tresemme leaves my hair greasy and Axe just scares me shitless with the frat-boy mentality. Not to mention, I like my husband smelling clean, without cologne.

And the show? I'm kind of amused watching it in the sick way of, "If I was that girl, I wouldn't be acting that stupid," "I can't believe she's not seeing the game that guy's running," or "Are people really this dumb while dating? If so, I'm so damn glad I'm an old married bitch."

Are people in their early 20s really that stupid? If they are, I really don't see the human species surviving anytime soon.

I'm six minutes into But Can They Sing?

And the only thought I have right now is that whatever meds Bai Ling's on, I want none of that shit. Good lord. She doesn't just dress like an insane punk RAWK chick on acid, but she also sings like one too!

*shoves cotton into her ears and prays for the pain to go away*

Commercials can be cool

So my friend Brian -- he of sheer anal percision -- turned me onto this Web site for a Sony commercial. It's without a doubt, some of the most creative, playful advertising that I've seen in awhile. Let me put it to you this way:

San Francisco streets and 250,000 superballs. What could be better?

Media tidbits

To reward myself for an ass-kicking week, last Friday I did a bunch of media purchases. Other women buy shoes, clothes and bags -- I buy books, CDs, video games and a shitload of DVDs. It explains why I look like a homeless woman when I go out (or a two-year-old who dressed herself).

Anyways, I managed to listen to a bunch of new CDs and downloaded a few singles from iTunes, so I've got a bunch of mini-reviews.


1. U2's Fast Cars. This single should've been on the last album, but for some reason, the band decided to leave this delicious single off of the American version of How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. Damn shame really. It's a great song -- Middle Eastern meets flamenco after a few too many pints of Guinesses. If I could belly dance to this song, I would. Aw hell, what am I talking about -- I have shook my ass to this song. It's too damn infectious.

The lyrics have a sense of information overload and disconnect. Not to mention it's a lot of fun to hear Bono rattle off "I got CCTV, pornography, CNBC" in a fast pace and whooping in other parts of the song. I'm just annoyed that I had to buy this single because it wasn't on my CD, and it should've been.

Another good song by U2 -- Big Girls are the Best. It's worth it for Adam Clayton doing his best impression of the 70s bass "wakka wakka" sound.

2. Franz Ferdinand's You Could Have It So Much Better. I was a little worried about this at first -- would Franz just do a rehash of their debut successful album. But the more I listen to it, the more I like it. The band's gotten more melodic, but not to the point that we lose sense of what Franz Ferdinand is supposed to be. The bass line is still strong, Alex Kapranos' voice is still has that distinctive, great sound. I love hearing him sing "I love the sound of you walking away" -- it's yearning, sad and at the same time, really, really cheeky.

But the more I listen to the lyrics, the more I'm seeing the band as seriously ambiguously gay -- fuck that, they are gay. I mean, the lyric "Your famous friend, well I blew him before you," isn't exactly subtle. But that doesn't take away from the overall, tasty CD goodness. Thanks Keidra for forcing me -- the cheapskate -- to buy this one! It's totally worth it.


3. White Stripes' Get Thee Behind Me Satan. First off, Jack White needs to get rid of the Snidley Whiplash moustache and wash his damn hair. Second off, I've heard this CD before and I love the hell out of it. It starts out with Blue Orchard and promptly veers off into uncharted waters. Don't expect to hear the same typical White Stripes stuff. This CD veers into marimba waters with The Nurse and heads off into bluesy alt-country land. My personal fave single right now is My Doorbell.

4. We Love Katamari. The fantastic sequel to Katamari Damacy. Not much is changed -- you still take a sticky ball and roll up random crap -- mah jongg tiles, thumbtacks, mice, buildings, people, airplanes, islands -- into a big ball of fun. There's a couple of new challenges such as keeping your Katamari on fire as you take it up to a campsite and two-player cooperative mode to keep things interesting. It's a good game for people seeking "family-friendly" fare and also something that's not the usual first-person-shooter with monsters, gang members or scantily-clad space demons.

5. The Transporter. Still crack filled goodness. 'Nuff said.

6. Chappelle's Show Season 2. This DVD purchase was worth it simply for Charlie Murphy True Hollywood Stories. The dude's a natural storyteller and funny as hell. He's got some wild stories about life on the fringes of fame, as his brother, Eddie (remember him? He did some cool stuff in the 1980s) rides the elevator to the top. His story about playing basketball against Prince is worth the DVD alone.

But it's also got another favorite of mine: "I'M WAYNE BRADY BITCH!"

Photo by BonoBaltimore via Flicker. I don't know how the man does it, but he's got some seriously droolworthy concert photos.

Somehow I don't think that fucking coked-up Icelandic stewardess is the answer.

On the way home today, I saw a bumper sticker that amused the hell out of me: What would Tony Soprano do?

Off-hand, I thought of these answers:
Have a bevy of mistresses, despite being married.
Screw a one-legged Russian woman.
Kill Joey Pants, decapitate the body and bury it.
Have sex with two drugged-up Icelandic stewardesses.
Go into panic attacks and crash a big SUV.
Dispose of the man my sister killed.
Do coke with nephew's fiancee.
Run around in a bathrobe.
Have some of the ugliest bed-head imaginable.
Kill cousin Tony B.

Somehow I don't think those things are supposed to be guidelines for a normal, healthy, functioning adult. But I'm OK with that.

Good Sex on TBS!

Well, everyone's been having mini Manolo orgasms about Sex and the City being syndicated on TBS. Frankly, I'm one of the people happy to see the show on TBS, even if it's a little cleaned up.

Sure the tits, f-bombs and other more salacious items are gone, but the storylines are still there and coherent. It's quite wonderful, since I got hooked on that show when we had HBO and have been jonesin' for it since we lost HBO. Well, that and the Sopranos -- which if I ever see in syndication, they'll have to drop it to about 30 minutes or so, given half of the storylines, nudity, f-bombs, murder, etc. For awhile, my Sunday nights were locked up with sex and gangsters. All good times -- until we lost HBO.

Sex and the City is my one "chick" show. I never got Ally McBeal (skinny bitch that should've been smacked around for her whining), the Bachelor (why marry someone you met on a TV show?), ER or any of those other shows. But Sex and the City is the one show that I adore.

I think, in a way, it's one of those shows that puts friendship first, above finding that "soulmate" and bullshit like that. For me, it was some crisp dialogue, funny situations and well, a pervy sensibility that works with mine quite well.

Not all of it is perfect -- Carrie can be a self-centered, whiny wanker who makes bad decisions. But it's the other three -- Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha that I enjoy more. One of my friends is starting to remind me of Samantha -- a frank, bold older woman who definitely has style and confidence.

Needless to say, with TBS having a week-long marathon my ass has been firmly planted on the couch -- not just to see the shows again, but in one case (at the Playboy Mansion's infamous Grotto), to see how they handled nudity. Pixelated paradise, but it was cool. I can live with that on basic cable.

All I got was this stupid tub of spray painted popcorn!

In addition to being VH-1 and Bravo's bitch, I am, on occasion, MTV's bitch too. Tonight was no exception with the MTV Movie Awards -- also known as, "WHO VOTED FOR THAT SHIT?" awards in my world.

But that's because it's a popularity contest. You log onto their Web site and vote for what you thought kicked ass. Me being me, I'm in conflict with all the 14-22 year olds who voted for You Got Served and other fine, fine films.

However, there were some highlights for the grownups. Since Television Without Pity does a better job recapping those things than I do (and with a much more snarkier tone than I can come up with normally), I thought I'd just hit my own personal list of highlights and lowlights.

1. Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn in a skit with LOTR's Peter Jackson about making a fourth LOTR movie -- only it's a HoYay! romance about Sam and Frodo. "Oh look! There's a spider. We'll just stay close together and whatever happens, happens." *snerk*

That had me howling along with Jackson's look of disbelief at the suggestion.

2. Beastie Boys performing. Wow. They've got grey hair now. I'm officially old.

3. Yeah, Yeah Yeahs with "Maps." While I don't know much about the band, Maps for me is one of those haunting songs that shimmer and get under my skin when I like it (which is most of the time) and when I hate it, it's like bamboo slivers under my fingernails.

4. Jack Black apparently stoned out of his gourd and winning best comedic performance. If he was at least entertaining when stoned, it would've been a good speech. But trying to act sober when you're just high? Bad idea. Everyone can tell.

5. Boo on the Eminem moon. Why not digitize it or something? I mean, MTV shows its Spring Break Undercover shows, which as far as I can tell are alcoholic orgies, and the Real World and Road Rules also has nudity. What is it about Slim Shady's ass that made MTV freak out?

There were no surprises, no upsets and other than that, it wasn't very exciting sadly. Maybe it's because I spent half the time going, "Who are they? Why are they famous?"

Wow. I am old.