All I got was this stupid tub of spray painted popcorn!

In addition to being VH-1 and Bravo's bitch, I am, on occasion, MTV's bitch too. Tonight was no exception with the MTV Movie Awards -- also known as, "WHO VOTED FOR THAT SHIT?" awards in my world.

But that's because it's a popularity contest. You log onto their Web site and vote for what you thought kicked ass. Me being me, I'm in conflict with all the 14-22 year olds who voted for You Got Served and other fine, fine films.

However, there were some highlights for the grownups. Since Television Without Pity does a better job recapping those things than I do (and with a much more snarkier tone than I can come up with normally), I thought I'd just hit my own personal list of highlights and lowlights.

1. Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn in a skit with LOTR's Peter Jackson about making a fourth LOTR movie -- only it's a HoYay! romance about Sam and Frodo. "Oh look! There's a spider. We'll just stay close together and whatever happens, happens." *snerk*

That had me howling along with Jackson's look of disbelief at the suggestion.

2. Beastie Boys performing. Wow. They've got grey hair now. I'm officially old.

3. Yeah, Yeah Yeahs with "Maps." While I don't know much about the band, Maps for me is one of those haunting songs that shimmer and get under my skin when I like it (which is most of the time) and when I hate it, it's like bamboo slivers under my fingernails.

4. Jack Black apparently stoned out of his gourd and winning best comedic performance. If he was at least entertaining when stoned, it would've been a good speech. But trying to act sober when you're just high? Bad idea. Everyone can tell.

5. Boo on the Eminem moon. Why not digitize it or something? I mean, MTV shows its Spring Break Undercover shows, which as far as I can tell are alcoholic orgies, and the Real World and Road Rules also has nudity. What is it about Slim Shady's ass that made MTV freak out?

There were no surprises, no upsets and other than that, it wasn't very exciting sadly. Maybe it's because I spent half the time going, "Who are they? Why are they famous?"

Wow. I am old.