DAMMIT!

Writer David Foster Wallace was found dead today. I heard the news on NPR as we were heading out to see my nieces and in-laws.

So. Not. Fair. Wallace was one hell of a writer. His essay, "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again," is cracked brilliance. It's something that I wish I could pull off.

Damn shame. Now I need to commit to Infinite Jest.

WAIT....WHAT? FUCK!

David Wenham's in Public Enemies? The movie with Johnny Depp and Christian Bale that was filmed within driving distance of my house? And I didn't know that? And I'm now a stay-at-home-mom who can do crazy-assed shit during the day because I don't have a desk job.

Wenham. Was. In. My. State. And. I. Didn't. Know. About. It?

*keels over*

Wisconsin loves you Johnny Depp!

While filming his new film "Public Enemies" in Oshkosh, Wisc., Johnny's eating and drinking habits did more for the area's financial outlook than any reduction in interest rates. Depp and his pals -- who were staying at a hotel in nearby Appleton -- recently dropped a $1,500 tip on a $2,600 dinner at a local restaurant and that has residents saying, "Johnny Depp is welcome here anytime."

Thanks for helping out our economy! We love ya man!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Gary Gygax died!

Bummer. There goes a gaming legend.

ETA: And Brett Farve announce he's retiring!

This is not a good day to be a Cheesehead.

Hey Stella -- About what I said about Sarah Silverman

One day, my sister e-mailed me, urging me to give Sarah Silverman a second chance after I called her a "third-rate Don Rickles".

She urged me to check out Give the Jew Girl Toys:

I thought it was alright, but not fall-down, piss-my-pants funny.

But then I saw "I'm Fucking Matt Damon."


Stella -- you have a point. Sarah Silverman can be funny as hell sometimes. But I think that Matt Damon helps in this case too.

Hey Keidra!

Didja know your favorite soccer hooligan is getting married to someone who looks like Melissa Joan Hart?

I have to say that she wins simply for this:

Meanwhile Georgina quipped about her fiancé's past: "I'm trying to get a credit card with the name Mrs Sean Bean IV."

Hey Keidra!

More proof that Keif is probably one hell of a fun evening of drunkeration:

Holy shit! Forget the election for a minute ya'll!

Britney Spears dumped K-Fed!

While I've never been a huge fan of Brit-Brit, I can say that I'm glad she's dumping the man-ho. I think it says something when even her haters are like "It's about damn time bitch!"

Whilst surfing the web and killing my brain cells....

I came across one question:

Who is the fuck is Pretty Ricky? And were we as girls that stupid to go for a bunch of morons like that?

Watch. I'm going to get my ass toasted now by Pretty Ricky fans.

Oh, and anudder question: Chicago peeps -- what's up with the foie gras ban? And when did Chicago surpass Madison for the banning shit? Does this mean that people will have to smuggle in foie gras?

Bean vs Statham: FIGHT!

So Michelle and Keidra have been psyched about Jason Statham's new movie Crank, which promises to be about as exciting and wonderful as The Transporter.

The excitement about everyone's favorite bald London thug got me thinking about another British heartthrob-thug -- Sean Bean -- and the differences between the two of them

Keidra put it best -- Bean's the kind of guy who gets into trouble by getting into a drunken fight over his favorite soccer team. The fight ends quickly and both guys end up having beers together as they bond over their mutual hatred of France's World Cup Soccer team.

Statham, on the other hand, is the kind of guy who gets into a bar fight, knocks everyone out, when the cops show up, he beats up the cops and then steals a cop car and heads to Mexico.

But no matter what, I'm starting to think that Statham, Bean, Samuel L. Jackson and Chow Yun Fat need to make an action film. The movie gods dictate it dammit!

So long Mike Hammer

I was surprised to read this morning that Mickey Spillane (registration may be needed) -- the man who wrote the pulpy, hard-boiled detective series Mike Hammer died recently.

Admittedly, I hadn't thought of Mike Hammer for awhile. What I remember is watching the show, which was on CBS, with my dad when I was a kid. I suppose it was something that no one in their right mind should show a nine-year-old, but it was some fun stuff to watch with dad.

Spillane's life is entwined in my in a funny way. My grandfather on my dad's side used to translate his novels into Chinese, according to my dad. Apparently Spillane even sent my grandfather a letter, but I have no idea what happened to that.

I think that Mike Hammer in a way shaped my world viewpoint, writing and literary tastes. Admittedly, I'm more of a Spenser fan, but Hammer paved the way for the hard-boiled detective with the hot dame and the black-and-white sense of justice.

Maybe that's why I never found Sin City to be that offensive -- it was in the tradition of Mike Hammer, which I always liked.

Towards the end, Spillane kinda faded away, but the more I think about it, the more I realize his legacy will live on -- which may piss off the politically-correct and high-minded, but that's alright with me.

I'm starting to love Snarkfest...

if anything, for the "Psychotic Fans" thread.

Thanks to this thread, I've discovered the strangest merging of Keidra's fandom:

Sharpe/Dr. Who slash fic.

My brain nearly exploded from trying to ponder the world's most heterosexual slut sleeping with a time-traveling doctor, then I found this link:

Rick Santorum/Bill First slash.

I nearly sprayed my mac and cheese dinner all over the laptop screen.

Edited to add: OK. Me and my penchant for pain, I had to try reading the Sharpe/Dr. Who slash thing. I got to the sentence, "He'’d always thought it was something never to be alluded to, this sometime desperation that overtook the men at times of great peril, when they were stuck out in the middle of bleedin' nowhere and they thought they were going to die," and my brain tried to eject itself from my skull. I couldn't take it anymore. It just scared the living bejeebus out of me.

WTF? (British edition)

Well played Bob Saget, well played.

Is it just me, or is it kind of endearing knowing that Danny Tanner has a filthy potty mouth (He comes in around the 1 min mark so humor the beginning)?

You know, when the blog breaks down...

The world goes straight to hell.

Apparently there's a Brooklyn art museum that has a nude statute of Britney Spears giving birth as a "monument to pro-life."

Follow the link -- it's relatively work friendly, as long as work doesn't start screaming about naked statues.

The statute portrays the pop tartlet, naked on a bearskin rug. I'm not sure if the pose she's in is for child birth or making babies. Either act would ruin the bearskin rug.

Thanks to Alan for pointing this sucker out.

HEE!

Henry Rollins in a Q&A that appeared in today's Washington Post (registration needed sadly):

Kensington, Md.: I saw you doing a MTV video countdown years back and when you had to introduce a video from U2, you rolled your eyes in apparent sarcasm as you talked about the band. As a U2 fan, I always thought that was hilarious. Did you just never get them or their music?

Henry Rollins: While I applaud Bono's humanitarian efforts with great admiration, I think the music is for those who have lost their will to rock.


It's progress I suppose. Hee. And the rest of the Q&A is pretty damn good too.

You know you have too much money when...

You make diamond-studded, gold caps for your teeth. Witness Nelly's new single, Grillz. Frankly, I don't know if I'd put that much money in my mouth, knowing that someone could knock my teeth out and steal those things.

And anudder thing: Can you speak clearly with those on or does it fuck with your articulation? Then again, who can tell with these new rappers?

Why is it....

That the men I look up to are loud, verbose, a bit angry and very funny?

Everyone knows about my deep non-sexual crush on Bono, but fewer know about my as deep, non-sexual crush on Henry Rollins. Every year or so, Rollins goes blazing through the country, touring with a splendid rant about society.

This year was the same as last February. He stopped by the Barrymore in Madison and Jeff and I caught his show on Tuesday. It rocked. I've been a huge fan of Rollins' spoken word work, so I knew what I was in for: Two and a half hours of non-stop talking from a very funny, smart, educated and witty man.

Attacking everything from Bush, Wal-Mart and Toby Keith to Bush's mamma, Geraldo Rivera, Ted Nugent and Anderson Cooper, Rollins cut a clear path of ranting that was a sight to behold. If you have a chance to go, I highly recommend it. It's worth every penny. I can't describe everything that I saw (because Rollins MUST be experienced), but I can say I had a good time.

Dear Britney:

You don't know me and probably don't give a shit about some fat-ass Midwestern chick who also doesn't really enjoy your music, but I got some advice for you -- wanted or not.

I'm watching the Madonna documentary about her Reinvention tour and I have to say that while you may aspire to be Madonna -- the grand dame of performing and spectacle -- you're a long way away from her.

Case in point: The tour and American Life CD. Look, I don't like that CD -- it's not her strongest CD and American Life as a single blew ass (Madonna should not rap. Ever.), but she busted her ass and toured around the world. Admittedly it was a few stops here and there, but she finished out her damn tour.

You, if I remember correctly, fell for some white-trash moron with a big dick and then cancelled your tour because of a "knee injury." It didn't help that people got pictures of you gallivanting around injury-free after the tour was cancelled.

I wish that I could say that I know Madonna, but I think that it's obvious that if you're trying to be the next Madonna, you're not it.

HOLY SHIT! Keidra!

Sean Bean's in another movie! Click here! I predict Charlize Theron will kill him, or he'll get black lung and die.