WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? And I'm not talking about the sexually-charged performance, because really, I'm over that. The only way to push the envelope now is to have Britney Spears perform her songs in a burka.
I'm talking about the singing. That was crap. Caterwauling crap. Like cat being tortured on a George Foreman Grill bad.
Also, to say that you're being edgy by pushing the sexual boundaries is a crock of shit. You don't always need to use sex to prove that you're edgy. Like I said, I'd love to see Britney perform in a burka. Hell, Lady Gaga is what I'd consider to be edgy, and it's not because of sex -- it's because of her fashion sense and dance style.
And that's pretty much my thought. If you want to see the performance, check this out:
Seriously. Cat on a George Foreman Grill.
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label music. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Lady Gaga is the white Grace Jones
Seriously. Check out the Bad Romance video. SHE SETS HER BOOBS ON FIRE!
It's like a haute couture fashion show and some crazy art film made love to a techno soundtrack and birthed this!
Sadly, Videophone with Beyonce isn't as insanely fun:
It's like they tried to mix Bouncy and Gaga and instead of AWESOME, they got something that was kind of dampened down. Like mixing sushi and chocolate -- sometimes two great tastes do not go great together.
It's like a haute couture fashion show and some crazy art film made love to a techno soundtrack and birthed this!
Sadly, Videophone with Beyonce isn't as insanely fun:
It's like they tried to mix Bouncy and Gaga and instead of AWESOME, they got something that was kind of dampened down. Like mixing sushi and chocolate -- sometimes two great tastes do not go great together.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Five words will be back...
BUT I HAVE TO INTERRUPT TO SQUEE ABOUT THE U2 SHOW I SAW!
My friend Em, her friend Lindsay and I ventured down to see U2 open their American leg of the tour at Soldier Field. I will admit to being skeptical. We were up in the nosebleed seats and when I heard U2 claim it was going to be an "intimate" show, I was like, "Yeah. Right. Intimate among 60,000 people. Next thing you'll tell me is that the next album will be a return to Gaelic hip hop."
But they proved me wrong. It seems ostentatious, but the claw, with its 360 degree wraparound screen did make it possible for us to see the band. I think my jaw hit the floor when I saw how good our view was. I think the phrase I used was, "I think I just came," a few times. The other times I used, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"
It wasn't just a huge video screen. It did a great job convey different images and would also separate into stretch out, allowing for some beautiful abstract visuals for the songs. City of Blinding Lights was amazing as the Claw shot up a ray of light into the sky, piercing the clouds. I liked how with Unknown Caller, they took a wordy chorus and bridge and made it almost into a video game, where the words scrolled by, and every time Bono sang, the words lit up.
The visuals were also spot on for the songs. Seeing images of the recent election in Iran and the fall out for Sunday Bloody Sunday made the song's message feel more topical. The only thing that felt kind of weird to me was the Aung San Suu Kyi masks some fans wore and a group of people came onstage with them on. I'm not good with performance art, so I wasn't wild about it at all. It was weird seeing fans swilling beer and holding up those masks.
I can't say anything more about the concert, because really, it was just that much fun. It was amazing. It was fun. I danced my ass off. The remix of I'll Go Crazy (If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight) was a discotheque blast. I squeed. I met fans in mom jeans who first saw U2 at Roseland in 1987 for the Amnesty International tour. If they do a second leg, I'm there. Hopefully I can get on general admission and on the floor. But if I don't, the nosebleeds aren't terrible either.
Bono is right -- All you need is love. And a spaceship. This tour proved that.
My friend Em, her friend Lindsay and I ventured down to see U2 open their American leg of the tour at Soldier Field. I will admit to being skeptical. We were up in the nosebleed seats and when I heard U2 claim it was going to be an "intimate" show, I was like, "Yeah. Right. Intimate among 60,000 people. Next thing you'll tell me is that the next album will be a return to Gaelic hip hop."
But they proved me wrong. It seems ostentatious, but the claw, with its 360 degree wraparound screen did make it possible for us to see the band. I think my jaw hit the floor when I saw how good our view was. I think the phrase I used was, "I think I just came," a few times. The other times I used, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"
It wasn't just a huge video screen. It did a great job convey different images and would also separate into stretch out, allowing for some beautiful abstract visuals for the songs. City of Blinding Lights was amazing as the Claw shot up a ray of light into the sky, piercing the clouds. I liked how with Unknown Caller, they took a wordy chorus and bridge and made it almost into a video game, where the words scrolled by, and every time Bono sang, the words lit up.
The visuals were also spot on for the songs. Seeing images of the recent election in Iran and the fall out for Sunday Bloody Sunday made the song's message feel more topical. The only thing that felt kind of weird to me was the Aung San Suu Kyi masks some fans wore and a group of people came onstage with them on. I'm not good with performance art, so I wasn't wild about it at all. It was weird seeing fans swilling beer and holding up those masks.
I can't say anything more about the concert, because really, it was just that much fun. It was amazing. It was fun. I danced my ass off. The remix of I'll Go Crazy (If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight) was a discotheque blast. I squeed. I met fans in mom jeans who first saw U2 at Roseland in 1987 for the Amnesty International tour. If they do a second leg, I'm there. Hopefully I can get on general admission and on the floor. But if I don't, the nosebleeds aren't terrible either.
Bono is right -- All you need is love. And a spaceship. This tour proved that.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The King of Pop is Dead...
Disclaimer right now: I am not a huge Michael Jackson fan. I don't own any of his CD's or songs. I hated Thriller when I was a girl of 8 and everyone else was like, "OMG! HE'S THE BEST!". I have the same mindset of Bono regarding Michael Jackson songs -- if you imagine that they're in a different language, it's some of the best music you've ever heard. I also always though Janet was the coolest Jackson.
However, that doesn't mean that I can deny the great impact that man left on music and popular culture. He broke the color barrier on MTV, ushering in other acts like Run DMC. The Jackson 5 is the original boy band. Justin Timberlake, Usher and other artists like them owe Michael Jackson for their moves and singing styles.
I am not bummed, but more surprised with the news of his death. Admittedly, I thought it was an attention ploy -- much like the recent tabloid events that have occurred. Jackson had become a punchline to a joke in my mind (and admittedly other people -- even Lewis Black said so). I didn't expect this. In a way, I expected him to live on until 80 or 90, looking freakishly unaged (similar to Liza Minelli).
But he is dead. And while I may not have been a fan, I can appreciate the impact he left. He made interesting music videos, he was an amazing dancer (I wondered for YEARS how he did the lean in Smooth Criminal) and while I didn't care for his music, you can see how it influenced many artists today. For that, I have respect for the man.
RIP Michael.
This is my favorite video of his:
However, that doesn't mean that I can deny the great impact that man left on music and popular culture. He broke the color barrier on MTV, ushering in other acts like Run DMC. The Jackson 5 is the original boy band. Justin Timberlake, Usher and other artists like them owe Michael Jackson for their moves and singing styles.
I am not bummed, but more surprised with the news of his death. Admittedly, I thought it was an attention ploy -- much like the recent tabloid events that have occurred. Jackson had become a punchline to a joke in my mind (and admittedly other people -- even Lewis Black said so). I didn't expect this. In a way, I expected him to live on until 80 or 90, looking freakishly unaged (similar to Liza Minelli).
But he is dead. And while I may not have been a fan, I can appreciate the impact he left. He made interesting music videos, he was an amazing dancer (I wondered for YEARS how he did the lean in Smooth Criminal) and while I didn't care for his music, you can see how it influenced many artists today. For that, I have respect for the man.
RIP Michael.
This is my favorite video of his:
Saturday, October 25, 2008
"TAKE IT ALL OFF!"
That quote, screamed during Jordan Knight's performance of "Baby I Believe in You," was the thing that caused me to double over in laughter for about five minutes during the New Kids on the Block concert in Milwaukee on Wednesday.
Make no mistake about it, I had a blast at the concert. Abby, Heather and Jenno were great company on the ride to Milwaukee, during the concert (thank heavens for the snark -- I don't know if I could've made it through the concert without a smart-assed comment or two) and on the way back.
The concert itself was pretty damn good and was a pretty good blend of the old stuff and new CD. The guys look great and are in fit shape, the songs sounded good and the dancing, while not insanely over-the-top, was pretty good. Obviously they know their audience demographic when Donnie Wahlberg launches into a speech about how all the women left their husbands or boyfriends at home, and how the group will be the audience's husbands for the night.
The first NKOTB concert I was at was Face the Music, which had catfights going down over the guys. Don't fuck with NKOTB fans. They will cut a bitch.
But this time around, it was neat seeing the people who grew up during the past 20 years. Some girls were dressed in their goth/punker/skater wear, some were reflecting the '80s and many just tried to look their best, because really, it's a cool night out and if you're a mom, sometimes you just need any excuse to dress up.
I think right now, for me, the best part was awakening my friends' inner fangirls for the band, which were pretty much dormant until well...me. The pusher. Hey closeted NKOTB fans -- come out! We have cookies!
Make no mistake about it, I had a blast at the concert. Abby, Heather and Jenno were great company on the ride to Milwaukee, during the concert (thank heavens for the snark -- I don't know if I could've made it through the concert without a smart-assed comment or two) and on the way back.
The concert itself was pretty damn good and was a pretty good blend of the old stuff and new CD. The guys look great and are in fit shape, the songs sounded good and the dancing, while not insanely over-the-top, was pretty good. Obviously they know their audience demographic when Donnie Wahlberg launches into a speech about how all the women left their husbands or boyfriends at home, and how the group will be the audience's husbands for the night.
The first NKOTB concert I was at was Face the Music, which had catfights going down over the guys. Don't fuck with NKOTB fans. They will cut a bitch.
But this time around, it was neat seeing the people who grew up during the past 20 years. Some girls were dressed in their goth/punker/skater wear, some were reflecting the '80s and many just tried to look their best, because really, it's a cool night out and if you're a mom, sometimes you just need any excuse to dress up.
I think right now, for me, the best part was awakening my friends' inner fangirls for the band, which were pretty much dormant until well...me. The pusher. Hey closeted NKOTB fans -- come out! We have cookies!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Who would've thunk that a NKOTB CD could have many, many layers?
Disclaimer right now so I don't have militant NKOTB fangirls from The Blockistan rising up and making anony-mouse comments all over this damn blog. Yes, I like NKOTB. I find their upbeat songs to be a lovely tasting bubblegum confection. That and Donnie Wahlberg helped usher me through puberty.
However, that hasn't disabled my critic function. Which sometimes makes this pretty damn hard, because honestly, their lyrics aren't deep at all. But their harmonies are pretty good, Jordan and Joe sound great (Joe's voice in particular sounds a lot more mature than the squeaky kid most people are familiar with) and yeah, Donnie Wahlberg (SHUT. UP.).
I think the best way to put this for me is NKOTB is to me as Twilight is to Cleolinda:
First thing first -- I gotta say that I like the fact that about 90 percent of the album is upbeat dance songs. That's what I always thought was their big strength. I also like the fact that they've updated a bit and are covering other stuff than the puppy love thing. It's like they've grown up and are acknowledging the fact that their hardcore base has grown past the puppy love thing.
The Timbaland track "Twisted" is a personal favorite for the production and layering and really, the guys sound really strong on it. While I wasn't a big fan of "Click, Click, Click," in the beginning, the song has really grown on me. The bluesy-influenced "Grown Man" and "Big Girl Now," (Lady GaGa is a particularly strong vocalist on this track, which is great) are some great dance tunes and duets. For once, I don't feel dirty liking a Pussycat Dolls song. I also hate to say it, because it's a picture of a relationship disintegrating, but "2 in the Morning," cracks me up because it sounds like some of the early fights I've had with Jeff.
That being said -- GOOD GRAVY THE SEX TALK! I feel like I prude for typing this, but good lord. There's sex all over the damn place. There's talk about sex at home, in cars, on tables, while making videos and every single position known to mankind.
The double entendres aren't even that. They're single entendres. Look. I know you're men right now, but do you have to talk about sex like some overgrown teenage boys in the locker room? Luckily, the beats and the harmonies make it a lot easier for me to deal with, but there's a certain point where I just have to walk away from the sex talk. It's just too much for an old married prude like me (people who know me are snickering right now).
I have to say that while I like the single "Stare at You," there's a certain point, where I am personally convinced Edward Cullen of Twilight wrote some lyrics. When they talk about staring at the subject all night long, it just make me go, "Did Stephanie Meyer write this line?"
What sticks with me right now is how the themes of relationships falling apart ("2 in the Morning" and "Officially Over") as well as temptation ("Dirty Dancing" and "Looking Like Danger") come into play. I know that Donnie had a hand in writing a good chunk of the songs, and the man's also recently divorced (damn shame that), so I wonder how much of this album and tour is therapy for him.
All in all, it's a pretty good album for NKOTB fans. There's some growth there and it's pretty much what the guys wanted to make -- a good, light, dance album. But the heavier themes -- as opposed to the heavy breathing -- make it a little more compelling for me to listen to again and again.
However, that hasn't disabled my critic function. Which sometimes makes this pretty damn hard, because honestly, their lyrics aren't deep at all. But their harmonies are pretty good, Jordan and Joe sound great (Joe's voice in particular sounds a lot more mature than the squeaky kid most people are familiar with) and yeah, Donnie Wahlberg (SHUT. UP.).
I think the best way to put this for me is NKOTB is to me as Twilight is to Cleolinda:
To expand on my previous metaphor, it's like I'm in my kitchen and there's that Twinkie sitting on the counter, and I know, I know, that not one single ingredient in that thing originated in nature. "Flour," maybe, and I'm not even so sure about that. And yet.... SUGARRRRRRRR.Anyways, now that we got that out of the way...
First thing first -- I gotta say that I like the fact that about 90 percent of the album is upbeat dance songs. That's what I always thought was their big strength. I also like the fact that they've updated a bit and are covering other stuff than the puppy love thing. It's like they've grown up and are acknowledging the fact that their hardcore base has grown past the puppy love thing.
The Timbaland track "Twisted" is a personal favorite for the production and layering and really, the guys sound really strong on it. While I wasn't a big fan of "Click, Click, Click," in the beginning, the song has really grown on me. The bluesy-influenced "Grown Man" and "Big Girl Now," (Lady GaGa is a particularly strong vocalist on this track, which is great) are some great dance tunes and duets. For once, I don't feel dirty liking a Pussycat Dolls song. I also hate to say it, because it's a picture of a relationship disintegrating, but "2 in the Morning," cracks me up because it sounds like some of the early fights I've had with Jeff.
Jeff: "What's wrong?"Fortunately I'm much more mature now. /sarcasm
Me: "Nothing." (Inner monologue: "Oh hell, you know I've been pissed for three hours. You. Know. What. You. Did.")
That being said -- GOOD GRAVY THE SEX TALK! I feel like I prude for typing this, but good lord. There's sex all over the damn place. There's talk about sex at home, in cars, on tables, while making videos and every single position known to mankind.
The double entendres aren't even that. They're single entendres. Look. I know you're men right now, but do you have to talk about sex like some overgrown teenage boys in the locker room? Luckily, the beats and the harmonies make it a lot easier for me to deal with, but there's a certain point where I just have to walk away from the sex talk. It's just too much for an old married prude like me (people who know me are snickering right now).
I have to say that while I like the single "Stare at You," there's a certain point, where I am personally convinced Edward Cullen of Twilight wrote some lyrics. When they talk about staring at the subject all night long, it just make me go, "Did Stephanie Meyer write this line?"
What sticks with me right now is how the themes of relationships falling apart ("2 in the Morning" and "Officially Over") as well as temptation ("Dirty Dancing" and "Looking Like Danger") come into play. I know that Donnie had a hand in writing a good chunk of the songs, and the man's also recently divorced (damn shame that), so I wonder how much of this album and tour is therapy for him.
All in all, it's a pretty good album for NKOTB fans. There's some growth there and it's pretty much what the guys wanted to make -- a good, light, dance album. But the heavier themes -- as opposed to the heavy breathing -- make it a little more compelling for me to listen to again and again.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
In which Viv DOES NOT talk about NKOTB for once
Instead, I'll be talking about U2. Yes, I can hear you guys groaning out there:
"Cripes. She switched from one boy band to another...."
Anyways, this is about the recent news that the Irish boys had their latest album leak online thanks to (yep, you guess it) Bono.
Well, that and the whole NKOTB thing (SHUT. UP.)
I had a great image Edge, Larry and Adam just GLARING at Bono (who got busted for blasting the song mid air-guitar) and saying, "Nice. Thanks. And you're the bloody wanker who said we should go to Morocco."
Now, some have questioned whether or not the leak was intentional. After all, the last album went missing after a photoshoot, Achtung Baby's studio sessions were leaked online and other such things have happened. I can see that happening, but I wouldn't be surprised if Bono just didn't think, and to impress people, blasted his uber-expensive, diamond-crusted stereo with the new tracks.
This is the same guy who according to the book, U2 at the End of the World, loses sunglasses, hats, keys and other random, everyday objects with regularity. I wouldn't be surprised if he just didn't think and impulse took over.
Even though the temptation is strong to hunt down these songs, I might wait a little bit. November is around the corner, and I want to savor the new CD.
HOWEVER -- if someone happened to have a bead on the new tracks and I happened to get that information, I wouldn't reject it. After all, I need something to wash the dirty feeling away from me going all fangirl on NKOTB.
"Cripes. She switched from one boy band to another...."
Anyways, this is about the recent news that the Irish boys had their latest album leak online thanks to (yep, you guess it) Bono.
Four new tracks by the Dublin band were apparently recorded by a Dutch fan on a mobile phone after he heard the music blaring out of the singer's beachside home in the village of Eze-sur-Mere, near Nice.Sadly, I didn't move fast enough to Youtube to hear the four tracks. I wish I had a good excuse. I think that part of me was just thinking, "Wait. This is U2. They're known for being on the verge of releasing an album only to have the whole thing changed at last minute and postponed a year."
Well, that and the whole NKOTB thing (SHUT. UP.)
I had a great image Edge, Larry and Adam just GLARING at Bono (who got busted for blasting the song mid air-guitar) and saying, "Nice. Thanks. And you're the bloody wanker who said we should go to Morocco."
Now, some have questioned whether or not the leak was intentional. After all, the last album went missing after a photoshoot, Achtung Baby's studio sessions were leaked online and other such things have happened. I can see that happening, but I wouldn't be surprised if Bono just didn't think, and to impress people, blasted his uber-expensive, diamond-crusted stereo with the new tracks.
This is the same guy who according to the book, U2 at the End of the World, loses sunglasses, hats, keys and other random, everyday objects with regularity. I wouldn't be surprised if he just didn't think and impulse took over.
Even though the temptation is strong to hunt down these songs, I might wait a little bit. November is around the corner, and I want to savor the new CD.
HOWEVER -- if someone happened to have a bead on the new tracks and I happened to get that information, I wouldn't reject it. After all, I need something to wash the dirty feeling away from me going all fangirl on NKOTB.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Dear NKOTB:
I was talking to my friend K. last night when she mentioned that Trent Reznor has been sending his fans on a scavenger hunt for tickets to the new NIN tour. I didn't know how hardcore it was, until I stumbled on this article:
Just think about it. It would be awesome. You should do this.
Love,
Viv
PS -- Heard clips of the new CD. Man, you guys are horny. At least it's got a great dance beat, which is great for boogieing in the car.
Now, I think this would be cool, not just for the more diehard of your fans, but also for the snarky fans like me, who would love to watch grown women get into fistfights for VIP tickets to your show. I might not win the tickets, but hell, a free evening's worth of entertainment is still a good time.
Just think about it. It would be awesome. You should do this.
Love,
Viv
PS -- Heard clips of the new CD. Man, you guys are horny. At least it's got a great dance beat, which is great for boogieing in the car.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
In which my inner 15-year-old hijacks my brain
Back in April, I wrote a critique of NKOTB's single "Click, Click, Click" in which I said that the cynic and the 15-year-old in me were battling for supremacy.
Well. I saw this video and apparently the 15-year-old has won.
Logically I know that Donnie's rap isn't the greatest. I know that lines like "I don't deserve you," normally make me want to slap the singer and tell him to get his shit together. I know it's another pop song that covers the same worn territory.
But then I saw this video. And yeah, the 15-year-0ld has won. I like the song despite the cynic muttering in me. I like Donnie's rap. I think that what I like is that in a weird way, this is the kind of thing Jeff tells me everyday -- only set to a R&B beat.
Who would've thunk that my marriage would be like a pop song and not something written by Rob Zombie or NIN?
Well. I saw this video and apparently the 15-year-old has won.
Logically I know that Donnie's rap isn't the greatest. I know that lines like "I don't deserve you," normally make me want to slap the singer and tell him to get his shit together. I know it's another pop song that covers the same worn territory.
But then I saw this video. And yeah, the 15-year-0ld has won. I like the song despite the cynic muttering in me. I like Donnie's rap. I think that what I like is that in a weird way, this is the kind of thing Jeff tells me everyday -- only set to a R&B beat.
Who would've thunk that my marriage would be like a pop song and not something written by Rob Zombie or NIN?
Sunday, August 03, 2008
With the dog days of summer...
My writing well has run dry for a bit. The only thoughts I have right now are these:
1. The weekend your baby starts waking up in the middle of the night to hold parties in her crib (to which you are invited) for a couple of hours is NOT the weekend to run out of coffee. 'Nuff said.
2. I'm loving the MIA song featured in the Pineapple Express trailer. And I'm now wanting to see Pineapple Express. For some reason, Seth Rogan is endearing himself to me by openly admitting he smokes pot. Still. Regularly.
So for people who know MIA -- how cool is she as a rapper? Am I going to have to start thinking Europe makes better female MCs now than America?
1. The weekend your baby starts waking up in the middle of the night to hold parties in her crib (to which you are invited) for a couple of hours is NOT the weekend to run out of coffee. 'Nuff said.
2. I'm loving the MIA song featured in the Pineapple Express trailer. And I'm now wanting to see Pineapple Express. For some reason, Seth Rogan is endearing himself to me by openly admitting he smokes pot. Still. Regularly.
So for people who know MIA -- how cool is she as a rapper? Am I going to have to start thinking Europe makes better female MCs now than America?
Friday, July 18, 2008
HEY YOU KIDS! Get some real lyrics!
So Hayden Panettiere, who I guess is on Heroes or something (I've never watched Heroes), now has a pop single.
Me, being the kind of person who apparently likes exposing herself to as much crap as possible, decided to listen to the song "Wake Up Call." I now fear for Benevolent Dictator's future if she's listening to shit lyrics like this:
If I recall correctly, I nearly fell over in my chair screaming "ARRRGH" in pain, but I restrained myself since BD was upstairs sleeping and I don't think Jeff would know how to explain to his daughter that her mother drove her head into a computer monitor because the lyrics to this song drove her insane.
Don't even get me started on the video. I have a feeling it was made at the $5.99 "Make Your Own Music Video" booth at the mall.
The fake reggae beat makes me wince in pain, but seriously, the lyrics are shit. Maybe it's because I'm old and I have experience under my belt, but really, cheating for attention is just a bad idea for relationships. If you're not happy that your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/tree/rock/goat isn't paying attention to you, maybe you should...I don't know....SAY FUCKING SOMETHING. Or dump their ass if they've been put on notice. Hell, why would you want to be with someone who ignores you unless you do stupid drama shit like this?
Well, you might be Erica Kane, but that's soap land and in soap land, PEOPLE. ARE. INSANE.
What the fuck is up with the lyrics that little pop starlets are singing now? I mean, we've got Avril Lavigne singing shit like "I don't like your girlfriend, I think you need a new one," which is so soap opera/high school/stalker.
Then there's Katy Perry's song, "I Kissed a Girl," which to me sounds like a drunk girl in a bar trying to scam free drinks/attention by kissing her best friend forever. It's one of those songs that isn't edgy, despite what people think. And calling girls "magical" because we have "soft skin and red lips"? Who are these women? When did women become magical? Because if we are, I AM SERIOUSLY GYPPED AND I DEMAND MY MAGIC POWER (preferably super speed so I can get everything done faster and beat Benevolent Dictator to the laptop so she doesn't crack the case YET AGAIN).
And what woman did she kiss that had Cherry Chapstick on? What age is that woman -- 12? In which case, call the motherfucking cops for underage drinking.
Fucking hell. If this is the role models my girl will have when she gets older, I'm going to really be pissed off. What happened to Joan Jett, MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Salt 'n Pepa, Missy Elliott (whose lyrics are sexy, but not like this weird-ass male-centric porno way), Blondie, Annie Lennox, Lauryn Hill (pre-crazy), Aretha, Tina and all those great female vocalists that showed love, vulnerability, anger and other emotions and drama without sounding like a 15-year-old girl who has taken Twilight to heart as the ultimate guide to romance?
*hikes pants up to under her chin* Fucking kids today. Get some real music.
Me, being the kind of person who apparently likes exposing herself to as much crap as possible, decided to listen to the song "Wake Up Call." I now fear for Benevolent Dictator's future if she's listening to shit lyrics like this:
I think I'm gonna have to cheat
to keep your eyes on me
but maybe if i make you jealous
you'll finally start to wake up
If I recall correctly, I nearly fell over in my chair screaming "ARRRGH" in pain, but I restrained myself since BD was upstairs sleeping and I don't think Jeff would know how to explain to his daughter that her mother drove her head into a computer monitor because the lyrics to this song drove her insane.
Don't even get me started on the video. I have a feeling it was made at the $5.99 "Make Your Own Music Video" booth at the mall.
The fake reggae beat makes me wince in pain, but seriously, the lyrics are shit. Maybe it's because I'm old and I have experience under my belt, but really, cheating for attention is just a bad idea for relationships. If you're not happy that your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/tree/rock/goat isn't paying attention to you, maybe you should...I don't know....SAY FUCKING SOMETHING. Or dump their ass if they've been put on notice. Hell, why would you want to be with someone who ignores you unless you do stupid drama shit like this?
Well, you might be Erica Kane, but that's soap land and in soap land, PEOPLE. ARE. INSANE.
What the fuck is up with the lyrics that little pop starlets are singing now? I mean, we've got Avril Lavigne singing shit like "I don't like your girlfriend, I think you need a new one," which is so soap opera/high school/stalker.
Then there's Katy Perry's song, "I Kissed a Girl," which to me sounds like a drunk girl in a bar trying to scam free drinks/attention by kissing her best friend forever. It's one of those songs that isn't edgy, despite what people think. And calling girls "magical" because we have "soft skin and red lips"? Who are these women? When did women become magical? Because if we are, I AM SERIOUSLY GYPPED AND I DEMAND MY MAGIC POWER (preferably super speed so I can get everything done faster and beat Benevolent Dictator to the laptop so she doesn't crack the case YET AGAIN).
And what woman did she kiss that had Cherry Chapstick on? What age is that woman -- 12? In which case, call the motherfucking cops for underage drinking.
Fucking hell. If this is the role models my girl will have when she gets older, I'm going to really be pissed off. What happened to Joan Jett, MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Salt 'n Pepa, Missy Elliott (whose lyrics are sexy, but not like this weird-ass male-centric porno way), Blondie, Annie Lennox, Lauryn Hill (pre-crazy), Aretha, Tina and all those great female vocalists that showed love, vulnerability, anger and other emotions and drama without sounding like a 15-year-old girl who has taken Twilight to heart as the ultimate guide to romance?
*hikes pants up to under her chin* Fucking kids today. Get some real music.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
To wash the bad taste of the previous blog post out of my mouth...
I found some nice, old-school rap videos from the Queen and Salt n' Pepa:
What I loved about Salt n' Pepa is how they were sexy, they talked about sex and men, but they also demanded respect. They didn't say stupid shit like "I don't know if this (rape) has happened to me or if I just drink too much..."
And all hail the Queen. Latifah rules. Period. While she might not have been all sexy like Salt 'n Pepa, you sure as hell didn't try and mess with her.
What the hell happened to the good female MCs? It seems like they're all gone now.
Maybe I need to make a playlist of this for Benevolent Dictator when she gets older.
What I loved about Salt n' Pepa is how they were sexy, they talked about sex and men, but they also demanded respect. They didn't say stupid shit like "I don't know if this (rape) has happened to me or if I just drink too much..."
And all hail the Queen. Latifah rules. Period. While she might not have been all sexy like Salt 'n Pepa, you sure as hell didn't try and mess with her.
What the hell happened to the good female MCs? It seems like they're all gone now.
Maybe I need to make a playlist of this for Benevolent Dictator when she gets older.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Dear Chris Martin:
Bono called. He wants his God complex back.
If this is your new album, it's going to make me want to punch puppies:
I have to tell you, even U2 shows their sense of humor.
Viv
If this is your new album, it's going to make me want to punch puppies:
I have to tell you, even U2 shows their sense of humor.
Viv
Monday, June 30, 2008
Surfacing after a birthday party followed by two nights of splitting headaches
To post this video. Why does it seem like a song that I could hear Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan sing to Dex Dexter?
Maybe it's Rihanna's shoulder pads.
As for the party? A great success. Benevolent Dictator, per Chinese tradition, is going to become a drummer-astronaut who will write her memoirs and become rich, before becoming a dancer. I'm currently suffering from splitting headaches at night (that had me passed out at 9:30 p.m.) right now, so I'm not really in a bloggy mood. But the party was a blast.
Maybe it's Rihanna's shoulder pads.
As for the party? A great success. Benevolent Dictator, per Chinese tradition, is going to become a drummer-astronaut who will write her memoirs and become rich, before becoming a dancer. I'm currently suffering from splitting headaches at night (that had me passed out at 9:30 p.m.) right now, so I'm not really in a bloggy mood. But the party was a blast.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Dear NKOTB:
I find it really sweet that you guys did a shout out for Benevolent Dictator's birthday. No, really I do.
Benevolent Dictator is wondering if she can get royalties though. I hope so. College ain't cheap. Diapers ain't cheap.
Fondly,
Viv
PS -- For Donnie. Kool Moe Dee called. He wants his sunglasses back.
Benevolent Dictator is wondering if she can get royalties though. I hope so. College ain't cheap. Diapers ain't cheap.
Fondly,
Viv
PS -- For Donnie. Kool Moe Dee called. He wants his sunglasses back.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Dear Katy Perry:
Your song, I Kissed a Girl sucks. Jill Sobule should kick your ass for making such a boring, annoying, desperately-trying-to-be-edgy-but-failing song.
This is the good "I Kissed a Girl":
Learn. I'm not even going to link to your piece of shit.
Crankily,
Viv
This is the good "I Kissed a Girl":
Learn. I'm not even going to link to your piece of shit.
Crankily,
Viv
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The post where K. does a happy dance...
Because I'm not dragging her to the NKOTB concert like I originally threatened.
Instead, I'm going to the Milwaukee show with my friends Heather, Jenno and Abby. The cool thing about this is that I'm going with two friends who are fans and Jenno's along for a fun ride. And they know my sense of humor, so they'll forgive me for being a smartass, while going "SQUEE!" at the same time.
We actually got some decent seats for the price -- lower level. A little farther away than what I'd like, but really, it's not terrible. It's not nosebleed and it's not the main floor back row, so when everyone stands up, you can't see shit.
This whole thing has been funny -- since the reunion was announced, it's like NKOTB fans are coming out of the closet or something (Come on out! It's less stuffy!). I never knew Heather and Abby were fans until recently -- and their enthusiasm has been pretty infectious. Given our music tastes now (for me, pretty much punk, 80's new wave, techno and industrial), it's kind of funny to imagine all of us as teeny-boppers swooning over the guys.
I think that Abby's husband, like Jeff, is trying to pretend that all of this never happened. It's like how you pretend past relationships don't exist when you're in the current one. It's like we're all giggling kids again (Abby said that all she needs now is a Popple and a Transformer and her childhood is complete. I now want a Popple.).
All said, I'm looking forward to this flashback of musical cheese even more now. Who knows? Maybe I'll even make a South Park t-shirt of the guys for my own amusement. I might even crimp my hair.
Instead, I'm going to the Milwaukee show with my friends Heather, Jenno and Abby. The cool thing about this is that I'm going with two friends who are fans and Jenno's along for a fun ride. And they know my sense of humor, so they'll forgive me for being a smartass, while going "SQUEE!" at the same time.
We actually got some decent seats for the price -- lower level. A little farther away than what I'd like, but really, it's not terrible. It's not nosebleed and it's not the main floor back row, so when everyone stands up, you can't see shit.
This whole thing has been funny -- since the reunion was announced, it's like NKOTB fans are coming out of the closet or something (Come on out! It's less stuffy!). I never knew Heather and Abby were fans until recently -- and their enthusiasm has been pretty infectious. Given our music tastes now (for me, pretty much punk, 80's new wave, techno and industrial), it's kind of funny to imagine all of us as teeny-boppers swooning over the guys.
I think that Abby's husband, like Jeff, is trying to pretend that all of this never happened. It's like how you pretend past relationships don't exist when you're in the current one. It's like we're all giggling kids again (Abby said that all she needs now is a Popple and a Transformer and her childhood is complete. I now want a Popple.).
All said, I'm looking forward to this flashback of musical cheese even more now. Who knows? Maybe I'll even make a South Park t-shirt of the guys for my own amusement. I might even crimp my hair.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Hey K. -- You're off the hook. For now.
Who would've thought that news about an aging boy band from the 80's would've inspired so much insanity?
That's been the big thought running through my head after NOT getting tickets to the NKOTB reunion tour today. They're to play in Chicago on Oct. 4 and I was hoping to drag K. along with me as a social experiment/lulz as we watched a bunch of fangirls my age revert to being 15 again.
But the big thing stopping me? Besides the lack of an Amex card for the presale and the willingness to shell out $175-375 for the VIP tickets (seriously, for that amount of money, the guys better fucking come to my house and change my kid's diapers)? The $75 ticket price for not even decent seats.
See, ticket prices range from $35-75. What does $75 get you? Well, according to Ticketbastard this morning, nosebleed seats. The $50 seats get you behind the stage and I think that the $35 tickets get you to view the parking lot.
Bugger all to hell. While I do want to go to the concert, $75 for FUCKING NOSEBLEED SEATS is a little rich for me. I had the best view of U2 in Milwaukee on the floor (maybe 20 feet from Adam Clayton) -- the cost? Fifty bucks -- and camping out for eight hours in the rain (which was kinda fun talking to other U2 fans).
And now the price has gotten even sillier. Ticket brokers are selling those seats in the $200 range. If I wasn't willing to do VIP, what makes you think I'm willing to pay $200-some for nosebleed seats?
So I guess this is my long-winded way of telling K. she's off the hook from me dragging her to see NKOTB so I'd have someone to snark with (as well as an excuse to come to Chi-town and rip shit up in October).
But that doesn't mean that I won't be watching the Internet and hoping that the guys will announce more tour dates. And if that does happen, K. -- you're coming with me dammit. Just be warned.
That's been the big thought running through my head after NOT getting tickets to the NKOTB reunion tour today. They're to play in Chicago on Oct. 4 and I was hoping to drag K. along with me as a social experiment/lulz as we watched a bunch of fangirls my age revert to being 15 again.
But the big thing stopping me? Besides the lack of an Amex card for the presale and the willingness to shell out $175-375 for the VIP tickets (seriously, for that amount of money, the guys better fucking come to my house and change my kid's diapers)? The $75 ticket price for not even decent seats.
See, ticket prices range from $35-75. What does $75 get you? Well, according to Ticketbastard this morning, nosebleed seats. The $50 seats get you behind the stage and I think that the $35 tickets get you to view the parking lot.
Bugger all to hell. While I do want to go to the concert, $75 for FUCKING NOSEBLEED SEATS is a little rich for me. I had the best view of U2 in Milwaukee on the floor (maybe 20 feet from Adam Clayton) -- the cost? Fifty bucks -- and camping out for eight hours in the rain (which was kinda fun talking to other U2 fans).
And now the price has gotten even sillier. Ticket brokers are selling those seats in the $200 range. If I wasn't willing to do VIP, what makes you think I'm willing to pay $200-some for nosebleed seats?
So I guess this is my long-winded way of telling K. she's off the hook from me dragging her to see NKOTB so I'd have someone to snark with (as well as an excuse to come to Chi-town and rip shit up in October).
But that doesn't mean that I won't be watching the Internet and hoping that the guys will announce more tour dates. And if that does happen, K. -- you're coming with me dammit. Just be warned.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Not bad boys from Boston, not bad at all
Today New Kids on the Block put their first single, Summertime, on their Myspace page.
Obviously the insane 15-year-old in me went over to Myspace and has listened to the song 109,873,510,932,174,091,237,401,297,340,912,734,091,273 times. Fortunately, the 31-year-old had no objections to the single after listening to it.
It's a good, poppy, summer single that feels modern, but not in a midlife crisis sort of way (I'm looking at you New Edition. Why did you hook up with Diddy? Don't you know that Bad Boy is where musical acts go to die a slow death?).
It doesn't sound like Day 26. Given some of the fears that I had running in the back of my mind, this is a big plus.
The lyrics for some remind me of Grease's Summer Love and LFO's Summer Girls. It's sweet, but not in that "girl I love you forever" teenybopper way. The guys sound good too. The a cappella breakdown has some nice harmonies. Jordan's falsetto doesn't make me want to punt a puppy. Look, I know that Donnie's not the greatest singer in the world, but I can't help but grin when I hear his voice. Puberty. It's a hell of a drug.
Summertime isn't going to save the world, slap me upside the head and change my view of life or inspire a revolution. But it's a good, light, poppy song, which is needed nowadays since (lately) pop music SUCKS in my opinion. In short, I like Summertime. I won't throw rocks at it. If their new album has more singles like this, that bodes well in my mind.
Edited to add: My personal favorite review is this one from K. "It doesn't make me want to kill myself." Coming from her, that's high praise.
Obviously the insane 15-year-old in me went over to Myspace and has listened to the song 109,873,510,932,174,091,237,401,297,340,912,734,091,273 times. Fortunately, the 31-year-old had no objections to the single after listening to it.
It's a good, poppy, summer single that feels modern, but not in a midlife crisis sort of way (I'm looking at you New Edition. Why did you hook up with Diddy? Don't you know that Bad Boy is where musical acts go to die a slow death?).It doesn't sound like Day 26. Given some of the fears that I had running in the back of my mind, this is a big plus.
The lyrics for some remind me of Grease's Summer Love and LFO's Summer Girls. It's sweet, but not in that "girl I love you forever" teenybopper way. The guys sound good too. The a cappella breakdown has some nice harmonies. Jordan's falsetto doesn't make me want to punt a puppy. Look, I know that Donnie's not the greatest singer in the world, but I can't help but grin when I hear his voice. Puberty. It's a hell of a drug.
Summertime isn't going to save the world, slap me upside the head and change my view of life or inspire a revolution. But it's a good, light, poppy song, which is needed nowadays since (lately) pop music SUCKS in my opinion. In short, I like Summertime. I won't throw rocks at it. If their new album has more singles like this, that bodes well in my mind.
Edited to add: My personal favorite review is this one from K. "It doesn't make me want to kill myself." Coming from her, that's high praise.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
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