Snoop Dogg comes out looking pretty cool in a preppy ghetto fab way. He introduces some comedian named Dave Cook. He's not funny. He attempts to joke about microchipping children (which is what I'd like to do with my kid).
Johnny Knoxville's child is very cute. BEP looks like, "Dude, you're not funny." John Legend looks like he wants to leave and get a beer and avoid seeing this guy.
Killers win for Best New Artist for Mr. Brightside. What the hell is up with aviator sunglasses? They're not cool to me. It just screams, "I'm a lecherous asshole" to me.
The band looks gobsmacked and it's obvious they didn't prepare, which leads to awkward speeches.
Diddy introduces Bishop Magic Don Juan, who now looks cleaned up as opposed to being some insane person who was attacked by upholstery. Gwen and Snoop win for best dressed. I can get behind that. They kept their own personality, but also looked pretty damn good. The money's going to charity, which I find nice.
Eva Longoria comes on wearing a bathing suit. Wow. That's a lot of double stick tape in action. She introduces Mariah Carey. Jermaine Dupri -- when did he shave his head? She performs some song that's not very interesting in that Bone Thugz style of talking fast. Dancers jump into the water and dance underwater. There's supposed to be a club vibe, but it's still boring as hell to watch. Mariah ruins a dress by stepping into the pool.
During this time, Keidra and I are exchanging IM's:
Keidra: I wish something crazy would happen. what happened to spontanety?
Viv: It's now been adopted by corporations, packaged, tested by focus groups and marketed heavily.
Keidra : *weeps*
Viv: Sorry. You might want new crazy...
Bevis and Butthead take out out to commercials.
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