Editor's note: The writer wrote this in a fit of self-pity, then deleted it in a fit of insecurity. She's now reposting it because fuck, it's on the Internet and people's blogrolls, so she might as well own up to her insecurities, neurosis and other fits of stupidity (as well as her stupid actions).
I should be used to this by now -- I tend to get a bit existential and mopey during my birthday if I have too much time to think. It's like a mid-life crisis, only more dramatic and stupid.
Anyways, as the odometer of my life slowly turns over to 29, I spent part of this morning in an insecure, neurotic mope as I realized that I'm going to be FUCKING 29 and that life didn't quite turn out the way that my 18-year-old thought it would.
18-year-old me: When I grow up, I'm going to write the great American novel and live in a funky house with a billion beagles. I'm going to dress the way I want, do what I want and life will be FABULOUS!
Yep. I think the only thing that came true is that I do live in a house. I'm married (which I never thought would happen in all honesty), I've got a normal job and I don't have a dog. It could be worse, I suppose. I could be in Texas. It doesn't help that with each year, I briefly become hyperaware of my mortality and that I never did skydive like I wanted to or punch Matthew Lillard in the face.
But then I had sushi rolls for lunch and listened to U2's Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me at mind-shearing volume on my earphones. The world seems brighter now. Funny how raw fish and a song with Bono sounding like he's having an orgasm at the end can make life better.
Don't cry for me Argentina, I'll be alright. Growing old is weird for someone who never wanted to age beyond eight.
5 comments:
Wait, today is your birthday? It's my cousin's birthday, too! Woot! Yay, go birthday peeps!
Existential crises can happen at any age, I guess, but they seem to really make you feet arsey in the late 20s, eh? I was really disturbed by my 27th.
Do what I do: just keep a'rollin' back the deadlines! And have more raw fish. And get a beagle?
Happy birfday?
Happy Birthday, Viv!!!!
You are a super cool person full of fabulosity. Errr.... sorry. I'm reading a teenager book and now seem to have picked up bad habits like saying "fabulosity". Oh well. Anyway, the point stands, you are a wonderful person and I feel really lucky to have you as a friend. I hope your birthday is great and I'll see you soon! :D
Katie
Okay, it's the 18th. NOW...
HAPPY BIRFDAY! Yay! HAPPY BIRFDAY!
She ate her 29th birthday cake with glee. It wasn't that the cake was any better than others, just that she was better than she had been before. "Look out, bitches," she cackeled to herself. "I'm about to break out! Bono, sing me a song. Thanks for gracing my party!"
Fiddy word birthday stories! woohoo!
*SQUEE!* That was a cool fiddy word Sid. But that's just me. And thanks for the kind words everyone, even though I veered really close to LJ territory with my moping.
Bono's singing right now -- got a bootleg of the May 12 Chicago show!
I'm glad your birfday was excellent.
Love the dig on LJ! BWAH!
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