HOOOOTTTTIIIIEEEESSS IIIINNNNN SSSPPPPAAAAACCCCEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long ago, K. once wrote an essay that worked out a basic premise: In Lord of the Rings, there is a type of man for every woman. Plain and simple. You like sensitive, rugged, manly? Aragorn. Manly, rugged, angsty? Boromir. Sensitive, rugged, but with daddy issues? Faramir. Drunk and possibly stoned? Merry and Pippin.

And so on and so on. Admittedly, after seeing the Star Trek movie a couple weeks ago, K.'s theory was in my mind. In essence, Star Trek has every type of guy for every girl -- only in space. Where no one can hear you scream (which lets you be as loud as you want I guess). So here's my view:

For those of you who like your men cocky, brash, arrogant, yet somehow a good leader and charismatic as hell, there's Captain James Tiberius Kirk.


Emotionally unavailable, but when you get to know him, he's one kettle of roiling passion with some mama and mixed racial identity issues? Spock's your man. Good luck getting to him though.

Cranky, divorced and cynical with a blunt tongue? Slightly paranoid about what could go wrong, but amazingly smart when it comes to medicine and a quick thinker on his toes, not to mention, a loyal friend? Who doesn't love Bones?

Experimental engineer who deals well with both theory and practical application? Quick with a quip? Scotty!

Mourning the loss of loved ones, has a dark side with a heaping helping of vengeful behaviors? Perhaps you can soothe Nero's troubled brow.

In need of a good father figure? There's always Captain Pike.

Do you like them young, boyish and with Russian accents? Chekov.

AND THE ASIAN GUY! SULU! (Seriously, John Cho needs more to do in the future.)

So which girl are you? I've figured now that I'm pretty much in the Bones/Scotty camp.