Thursday, August 31, 2006

Why does School for Scoundrels look funny to me?

Fiddy Cent and LL Cool J are now on. It's like a glitter bomb exploded in a black velvet storage room, judging by the bling and shiny shit all over the place. LL starts hollering something about rap and how "love is love."

Fiddy Cent talks about something about where the finest women are from. Apparently they're announcing the Best Female video awards, but I can't understand a damn word they're saying. I'm old like that.

LL hoists the Moonman up and Kelly Clarkson is named the winner for her oh-so-emo video Because of You. She's not there, so LL and Fiddy accept on her behalf.

Now it's Lil Jon. WHAT? I SAID IT'S LIL' JON! OK!

He's claiming crunk's not dead. I don't think that he's the final judge in that. He asks people to make noise for Luda and Pharell...there's a prolonged intro with fire and music that sounds like a giant dinosaur's going to come on and eat Lil' Jon and that'll be the end of crunk.

Instead, a safe opens and Luda and Pharrell comes on. I can't hear a damn word they're saying because the backing track's so loud. I also can't see the performance because apparently they really enjoy the crane camera shots. They're singing something about shaking your moneymaker -- a phrase that was hot maybe back in 1834.

Note to Pharrell: Standing and nodding is not performing. There's dancers popping their asses in the background. I think I might take a nap. Let me know when this performance is over.

*whisper whisper* You mean I have to stay up? Fine. *pout*

Nicole and friends The Pussycat Dolls come on for about five seconds, barely sing the backing track and we're done.

Sarah Silverman is on with her nasal voice getting her makeup done. There's a joke about Lance Bass hitting on her and him being gay. She attempts to riff a little bit. I don't get it. "Space travel is so gay," she says. Thousands of teenage boys rethink their careers.

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