Fiddy Cent talks about something about where the finest women are from. Apparently they're announcing the Best Female video awards, but I can't understand a damn word they're saying. I'm old like that.
LL hoists the Moonman up and Kelly Clarkson is named the winner for her oh-so-emo video Because of You. She's not there, so LL and Fiddy accept on her behalf.
Now it's Lil Jon. WHAT? I SAID IT'S LIL' JON! OK!
He's claiming crunk's not dead. I don't think that he's the final judge in that. He asks people to make noise for Luda and Pharell...there's a prolonged intro with fire and music that sounds like a giant dinosaur's going to come on and eat Lil' Jon and that'll be the end of crunk.
Instead, a safe opens and Luda and Pharrell comes on. I can't hear a damn word they're saying because the backing track's so loud. I also can't see the performance because apparently they really enjoy the crane camera shots. They're singing something about shaking your moneymaker -- a phrase that was hot maybe back in 1834.
Note to Pharrell: Standing and nodding is not performing. There's dancers popping their asses in the background. I think I might take a nap. Let me know when this performance is over.
*whisper whisper* You mean I have to stay up? Fine. *pout*
Sarah Silverman is on with her nasal voice getting her makeup done. There's a joke about Lance Bass hitting on her and him being gay. She attempts to riff a little bit. I don't get it. "Space travel is so gay," she says. Thousands of teenage boys rethink their careers.