Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Questions for all ya'll single folks

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I never met Jeff, never got married and lived on my own. I wonder how I would handle the dating scene -- if at all.

Frankly, I think I'd be some crazy-ass old lady with 50 dogs.

Some of my single friends don't really talk about dating or wanting relationships. But I'm kinda curious. which is why I'm posting this. One friend described dating to me as being like a job interview, but with the possibility of sex at the end.

The older I get, the less patience I have. I have a horrifying feeling that if I went on a date now it'd be like Henry Rollins' joke about when a girl becomes a woman:


Oh wait. That's how I'm with Jeff now. Nevermind.

So I guess, here's the questions I post to all ya'lls: How is the dating scene after college? What's it like? Is it hard? Do you ever want to say fuck it and get a dog/cat? Why keep going? If you had a first love, do you regret losing them? Why or why not?


K. said...

*shrugs* I dunno. It's hard to answer this. Also, I'm the one who made that "job interview" comment. Dating can be a chore for me because I am sometimes slow to warm up in social situations and the dating scene is very geared toward that "instant spark" and moving fast. And there are psychos online. A lot of them, and online dating seems to be the first stop for most singles. That, to me is the hardest part, though. That and my own personal trust issues.

In general, though I like being single. Some people I know, really loathe not being in a relationship and its really hard for them to be alone. But I am a loner. I'd rather be alone than have my time wasted by being in a relationship that goes through the motions with no hope for growth.

For my part, I would love to meet a guy who looks at me and my action-packed geeky life and goes "I have GOT to be a part of that" and we'd have an action-packed, geeky life together, righting the worlds wrong and shit, but in the meantime, life doesn't go on hold. You keep going because, well, what else are you going to do? It's a big world out there.

As for my first love, I still love him, but not in the way I used to. But no regrets.

Enich said...

Dating...scene? I am confused and mystified by this concept.

QuietlyGoingMad said...

I think the fact that I call it the dating 'cesspool' gives a pretty good indication of what I think about dating.

I'm currently on hiatus from it, but i'm sure I'll jump into the quagmire again at some point in the future--it's the only way to a relationship and that is something I do want in my life, at some point. In the meantime, I did get the cat(s)!

I don't regret any endings to my former relationships, I only regret that I didn't have enough trust in myself to get out when I knew I should've, usually months before the relationship actually ended. I learned very necessary lessons about myself from those relationships, so outside of one/two, I don't regret any of them.

I honestly don't think dating is hard, per se. I view it as the opportunity to meet new people, which most of the time I like to do. It can be frustrating at times because once you hit your 30s, the options have slimmed quite a bit--even moreso for someone like me who doesn't want children and doesn't abide by any sort of organized religion. As we get older, we go one of two ways--we settle (boo hiss) or we get pickier. I'm in the latter category and that too can be somewhat frustrating because it causes me to question if I'm being utterly unrealistic in my pursuits.

Like Keidra, I'm pretty happy being single. I like my "me" time, I like doing my own thing and never answering to anyone else. I used to be a social butterfly, surrounded by people 24/7...I've realized with a bit of maturity that I hate that kind of lifestyle and always have, but I put myself into it because it was easier than actually having to spend time with me, alone and see the things that needed (and mostly have been) changed.

Ok, well that was a load of rambling huh?

Amanda said...

After reading this post, eating some cookies and trying very, very hard not to cry...

Dating and romance. Oy. I'm very bad at dating, because personally it takes me 2 weeks to month before I've decided if a man is attractive. Otherwise, I would have hooked up with the Raven-Haired Librarian™ sooner (remember him? God, I love telling that story.). "Settling down" is not a priority with me right now because a.) I'm 24, b.) I live with my parents, c.) I work four jobs and still make very little money, and d.) I live with my parents. I have lots of things to take care of before I start worrying about men.
That being said, the very few times I do put myself out there are nerve-wracking. Though I like not having to pay for dinner, I hate the stilted-ness of dates and the expectations set. Like I've said, my hormones are a little slow on the uptake, and too much pressure is put on that first impression.
I never really had a "first love". At least not one that was requited. You can't really lose something you never actually had...and I better stop there, because I'm out of cookies.

Viv said...

Amanda! I didn't mean to make you cry! I was just curious. What I find interesting, besides the honesty that people offered, is that most people are fine being single, which is cool. We never really do get the lives we imagined when we were 10. It's making peace with that -- that takes time.