Warning: Uneduated ranting ahead

Editor's note: Yes, Viv saw the Narnia movie this weekend with friends. And she's got some thoughts on it. Keep in mind the following: She's never read the books. She never read the entire LOTR saga. Therefore, all of her thoughts have to do with the movie -- the sign of an asshole who doesn't know what she's talking about.


Is it wrong that when I grow up, I want to be the White Witch?

For someone who knows nothing about C.S. Lewis, except that he was Tolkien's buddy and a man who enjoyed writing Christian allegories, the Narnia movie was alright. But as a hardcore LOTR movies fan, Narnia felt like LOTR's little sibling -- something along the same lines, but for kids. Probably because of the source material.

But it was other stuff too. As the two sides were lining up for the big battle, I kept waiting for the White Witch's crew to start doing a hakka like the one in Two Towers. A lot of the monsters looked familiar, like Disney raided Weta's workshop or something. I know the comparison can't be helped because we're talking about two movies made from two series of books that were written at the same time.

What I enjoyed at times was watching the sibling interaction. I can see a sibling like Edmund selling his family out (for Turkish Delight though, I don't get. I think a modern telling would have Edmund selling out for a Nintendo DS). I mean, he's being told what to do all the damn time by his older siblings, who also smack his ass down in the battle for sibling supremacy. I've seen it among friends and even with Jeff and his two brothers. While you grow out of it the older you get, it's still there in little ways when you get together as adults.

I also LOVE Tilda Swinton as the White Witch. Bitchy, cold, power-hungry, theatrical and evil as hell, she was fun to watch. I love watching Swinton in Constantine (which I know, if you love the comic book, don't see the movie) as Gabriel. She's just a delight to watch. I loved her costumes. Fashion prediction: We're going to see a lot of White Witch-inspired wedding dresses in the winter.

And I also learned a major lesson from this movie: I need to tell my kids that if they ever end up in a magical land and they meet a goat-footed man wearing nothing but a scarf in the dead of winter, they should not accept his invitation for tea. Or is that covered in the "stranger danger" saying?