I suppose there's a reason why it's not called Mortgage

I said I probably wasn't going to see it, and you know what? I changed my mind. Maybe it was because I was in the shower yesterday singing "To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou/Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion/Creation, vacation/Mucho masturbation," but I went to go see Rent yesterday with Katie.

I also learned one valuable lesson: If you're going to snark on a movie -- make sure that no one else is sitting around you. The back row is pretty damn good for that. To the people in front of us before we moved, sorry about that.

Anyways, it was pretty much what I expected -- snarktacular. Rosario Dawson, bless her heart, doesn't look young enough to be Mimi. She also doesn't sound young enough. It made Roger's line of "You look 16," almost laughable. I also had a hard time with Adam Pascal as Roger. I know he's the original-flavor Roger, etc., but I had a hard time believing him being a jealous, moody artistic boyfriend because the dude looks like he's 34. Normally, around that point, you grow up a little bit.

I'm also irritated that many lines of dialogue WEREN'T sung. The entire musical is more of an opera, with people singing their lines instead of speaking them. Unfortunately this meant that when the actors spoke those lines (lines they were probably used to singing), it came out in a weird sing-songy rhythm. Sadly, the movie cut many songs that I love from that musical. The "It's Beginning to Snow" song is fantastic and it builds up the tension for Maureen's performance and I enjoy the sex song in Act II, because it also ends with Angel's death -- instead of moving Mimi's song "Without You" to that area. I also miss the answering machine messages that were sung by parents, friends, bosses, etc. Lexi Darling's voice mail: "Markie, sell us your soul....just kidding" is priceless from the musical.

You could tell they had no clue what to do with some of the songs when a lot of them went straight into MONTAGE! the lazy director's way of handling music. I also just found out today that Chris Columbus never saw the stage production of Rent before directing it. To this I have one word: GAH!

By the way, if you're going to have comedian Sarah Silverman (she of the outrageous voice) do a cameo -- have her do something a bit jaw dropping please?

I also wish that Benny was at the end of the movie, like in the musical. There's nothing said about whether his wife dumps him because he's been hanging out with Mimi or what. He just vanishes at the end of the funeral, which I think is bullshit because Benny in my mind is part of the group. He's the more pragmatic of the bunch, but he's not a mustache-twirling stock villain. Boy just wants to be paid for his work, and I can't hate him for that.

The movie's also two and a half hours long. That's about as long as the musical (including intermission). Frankly, that's just fucked up. The pacing of the movie kinda drags in areas (especially in the first act) -- I mean, the first act is supposed to occur in one night -- Christmas Eve -- not over what appears to be a week.

But there were some good parts. I think I'm now a fan of Idina Menzel. As Maureen, she was the perfect attention whore, who could also be quite lovable. Her and Tracie Thoms were wonderful with "Take me For What I Am" and I loved seeing "Over the Moon" with her. It was funny, it was pretentious and I loved every minute of it.

Jessie L. Martin -- please make Detective Green sing on an Law and Order episode. Pretty, pretty please?

For me, it was neat seeing most of the original cast and how much they enjoyed being these characters. You could feel that coming off of the screen. Martin, Anthony Rapp, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Menzel, Taye Diggs and Pascal all appeared at moments to be thrilled to belt out the tunes again. I just wish that they had better direction and a better adaptation than the one they were working with.