Mary Sue my brains out!

Over on Cleolinda's Live Journal, she had this most excellent meme:

1. Go to the Elouai doll maker.
2. Make an ordinary doll of yourself and save it.
3. Take that doll and, leaving a couple things (nose, eyebrows, whatever) the same, Mary Sue yourself. Make the most blatant Mary Sue you can conceive.
4. Post "Before" and "After" in your LJ. Bonus points if your Sue has a backstory of some sort.

And so, I thought about it for a bit (after laughing hysterically at Cleo's entire post). Because I don't write fanfic anymore, I decided to draw on my roots of being 15, in love with New Kids on the Block (in particular Donnie Wahlberg) and the extraordinarily porny stuff I would write. I'll also apologize now for the layout, but my HTML coding skills are teh suxxor.

Here's what I look like (except add a couple pounds to the doll)



Anyways, I was working at a Serta sleep store where I had to dress up like the Serta mascot -- a sheep for my job. But even with that, I was a pretty mousy dresser. I couldn't help it. I never thought I was cute.

One day, while I was at work, NKOTB's tour bus broke down. The boys came out and Donnie asked to use my phone to contact the tour people to let them know he was running late. Somehow, beneath the sheep costume, he saw a pretty girl and asked her to go on tour with the group.

The group was so nice. Even Donnie's mom gave me tips so I could clean up my look and be a sexy W-O-M-A-N for him.
We were having so much fun and I was enjoying traveling around the world. However, some rabid fans wanted to get their hands on my man and so they kidnapped the group! I was so angry, I became a firestarter, like Carrie!

Once I learned how to control my powers, I disguised myself to sneak into the enemy lines and rescue Donnie, Danny, Jordan, John and Joey-Joe. I first dressed as a waitress to learn about the location:



And then I wore more SEXY outfits to distract the guards:


But the last person -- the most rabid fan -- wasn't havin' that. I decided to have them take pity on me, and I disguised myself as a little orphan waif who wanted to join their group:

Once I got in, I broke out my fighting skills and defeated the evil fans! In addition to my fire powers, I also used magical coins that I found along the way!



It was at that moment that Donnie proposed to me! We got married and I had a big white dress to wear!
I was so happy to marry him! We lived happily ever after! The End!