"What's distinctive about being a man anymore?" asks sociologist Michael Kimmel, the author of Guyland, a new book about American masculinity. "In the search for the answer to that question, you're going to get a lot of confusion, a lot of return to traditionalism, a lot of sort of defensive resentment." Resentment that's been bubbling up beneath the enlightened veneer of post-P.C. boys, now grown men with careers and wives and toddlers, who are, for starters, "doing a lot more child care than their fathers did," as Kimmel points out. Recast as nurturers, some of these guys are finding themselves almost indignantly nostalgic for that time, not so long ago, when husbands got to be babied by their wives—and never had to empty the Diaper Genie.So how do these men react? Apparently adultery, strippers, boozing, drugs and passive-aggressive bullshit with their spouses and others.
To which, my response is more or less, grow the fuck up. No seriously. Grow. The. Fuck. Up. Get your self-centered head out of your ass and grow the fuck up.
Now this doesn't mean that when you get married and have kids your testicles automatically fall out of your ball sack and you're left with a little shriveled bag flapping in the breeze. I'm talking about maybe having the balls to express what you want, accept that you can't get everything your little id wants and working out a compromise.
What also irks me about this article is the idea that ONLY MEN have this stupid urges. HELL. TO. THE. NAW. Everyone has these urges. It's only normal to want to treat yourself or be selfish sometimes and do something stupid like go to a strip club, get drunk and stay up all night long or spend your money on stuff for yourself instead of bills and the mortgage.
But somehow, we women once again are painted as the no-fun-having-mature-angry-shrew-taking-away-all-the-man's-fun bitches. Frankly, if you're upset with your relationship to the point where you're doing stuff like this -- and knowing it'll piss off your spouse/girlfriend/whatever -- you deserve to get your ass dumped for not trying to work it out in the first damn place.
And I'd also like to point out that while the "Men's men" such as the Rat Pack had a lot of fun and left the child-care up to the wimmin-folk, their relationship with their kids suffered. Ever heard of the song "Cats in the Cradle"?
Don't blame feminism for your crappy relationships with others. Blame the fact that you don't have the balls to make things work.
3 comments:
Great post. I do find it interesting that so much of pop culture seems to focus on this breed of man-child, as if this is an ideal to emulate.
See my thought is that it's not something to emulate -- often they're the butt of jokes -- but because SO much attention is paid to them, it's become an ideal in a way.
Much like a kid throwing a tantrum, if you pay attention to the behavior, it just encourages more of it.
What also irks me about this article is the idea that ONLY MEN have this stupid urges. HELL. TO. THE. NAW. Everyone has these urges.
OMG, I KNOW! For example, I've wanted a pony for, like, ever, and the fact that I may never, ever get one makes me want to dress my boyfriend in a maid's costume and force to clean the apartment on all fours.
Oh, I'm just kidding. I don't have a boyfriend.
But I still want a pony.
BTW, Merry Christmas to you, Jeff, and little BD! Hope it is a lovely one.
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