2006 VMAs: And the award for the best ecological lecture goes to....

AL GORE! Seriously. That was the most surreal moment of the night for me.

The Raconteurs play Video Killed the Radio Star. I wish I was at the VMAs to watch them perform. I cry softly to myself.

Jennifer Lopez and her turban she ripped off from Tori Spelling strut out onstage to present Video of the Year. You could cut glass on her cheekbones. She talks about good videos like Jeremy and Sledgehammer and asks "What will this new video define?"

"Ass" is my response.

She pimps the new MTV channel for Latinos. We'll see if they play music videos. I figure somewhere along the line, MTV 238239478238942983749287348923746856388239292 will play videos.

Panic At the Disco wins. Wow. They even look fluffy and poncy out of costume. OK THIS IS AWESOME. Some guy named Six jumps on the stage and says MTV never gave him his show that they said they'd give him. He's promptly escorted offstage for a beating with a bottle of Crystal by Diddy's manservant.

Panic continues to look poncy and they thank everyone. I thank the heavens that some crazy happened.

Jack Black introduces Axl Rose -- who looks like a strange hybrid of Danny Bonaduce and....no. He just looks like Danny Bonduce. He cusses a little and introduces The Killers (which should be renamed Bradon Flowers Pornstache).

The Killers are on stage, looking like a bunch of gay bikers as they perform their new song, When You were Young. After all the choirs of children, costumes, pretentious dancers and stupid makeup, I actually am happy to see a band that FUCKING PLAYS AND SINGS instead of creates a three-minute drama with a shitty backing track.

Jack Black comes out, thanks The Ranconteurs and the audience. John Norris and his fug haircut comes on and I'm out.

Big ups to Erich for IMing with me! Thank you! Yay Six for bringing the crazy!