Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I'm not 30! I'm 20 with 10 epic levels!

Much love to Erich for coming up with that gem.

In approximately 30-ish minutes it'll be May 18 -- my birthday. However, I won't be 30 until approximately 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon (my joke is that's the biggest sign that I'm a night person). But I wanted to get some thoughts down now because I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow.

Not because I'll be partying. It's because I've got work. There's no rest for the wicked and no sleep for the good. You figure out which category I'm in.

The funny thing about having a blog is that I tend to look through the archives, seeing where I was a year ago and how I was feeling.

Unlike last year, where I was angsting about growing older, I don't feel that way right now. It's like I'm on the verge of something interesting and new. There's just something that feels different, but in a good sort of way. Henry Rollins has a great talk about growing older and people in their 30s have this mindset:

"I like myself more now than before!""

I can say with all honesty that despite some really insecure moments (which I realize were stupid, but couldn't stop), I like myself most of the damn time. I don't think that my sense of excitement for the coming year has to do with anything in particular -- it's just that looking back, I had a pretty good year last year. I went to China, became an aunt for my two nieces and nephew and saw U2 twice last year (SQUEE!). Work continues to be busy as hell, but I'm more at peace with the pace and how it rolls. Jeff and I are still crazy in love with each other (cue Beyonce) and I've got a lot of good friends and good times. My family continues to be cool and lovely, with us having much fun in the meantime.

I'm also becoming more at peace with the things I can't change and uncontrollable explosions in life. I'm not there yet, but I don't think that I'll ever be there. But small improvements are always good.

I'm a pretty lucky girl. It still blows my mind how lucky I've gotten. So no, I don't feel angsty about hitting another decade. I'm curious to see what this decade has in store for me. It's not about settling down -- it's about seeing what's around the corner.


K. said...

My 30's have been a lot more fun and interesting than my 20's thus far. Hope it's the same for you! Happy Birthday and welcome to the club!

QuietlyGoingMad said...

Even though the rough patches in my 30s have been really rough, I've grown up enough to be able to handle it better than I used to--I wouldn't go back to my 20s for nuttin' in this world. HAPPY B-DAY! And since I'm 35 I think I should be able to be at least Vice-President of The Club.

Sid said...

HAPPY BIRFDAY! Belatedly, I know, sorry. Hope it was splendiferous!