BRRRAAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNSSSS *hack*

Awhile ago, I had to pose a certain question to everyone I knew -- coworkers, friends, random people walking down the street -- the origins of the question, I can't remember, but basically it's this:

What are you more afraid of? Hillbillies or zombies?

The answers were interesting. Most gamers and geeks that I knew said they feared hillbillies more. "Zombies are easy," they said. "Called shot to the head, easy enough."

Non-geeks and "normal" people said they feared zombies more because they were the undead.

Clearly, those people have never seen any zombie flicks, been fans of Bruce Campbell or played Deadlands -- which in my mind is the best game ever. I've recently revisited the zombie issue thanks to the movie Dawn of the Dead. The 2004 version remakes the 1979 horror flick (which I'll admit I've never seen).

The only thing that bothers me about the whole thing, is that it's fairly easy to kill a zombie. Here's the zombie killin' guide courtsey of me:

1. Learn to be an expert marksman or swordsman. It's easy to kill a zombie. Destroy the head and the body will die. Technically, it doesn't have to be a bullet -- an axe, dynamite, machete or even your Cabbage Patch Doll with the plastic head will work (with enough force applied with the Cabbage Patch Doll -- just don't tell the adoption agency).

2. Fire is your friend. Carry torches with you at all times. If you can get a flamethrower even better. A zombie's skin is so dry and desiccated that it ought to go up like a Roman candle. The cool thing about this is if you get a cluster of them together -- they should all go up in flames like Michael Jackson during the Pepsi commercial.

3. With reference to Number 1, forget the bullets and stick with bladed weapons. A bladed weapon doesn't need to be reloaded and is stealthy. Unless you have a silencer on your boomstick, the sound of gunfire can attract more zombies to you. Not to mention the problems that can occur if you miss your target.

Those tips -- the basics -- should be enough to keep you from becoming zombie chow. Frankly, I'd take my chances with the zombies. I know how to kill those things. Hillbillies? Now that's a challenge. Those mofo's can track you in the woods and follow through water. Haven't you seen the movie Deliverance? That alone makes me fear a hillbilly more than a zombie.