This weekend, I was exposed to the greatest, stupidest and most amazing movie I've seen in awhile.
I saw The Transporter.
It's abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. Each action sequence tops each other in preposterousness and insanity. As I told Keidra (who introduced me to this movie, like a crack dealer -- the first hit's free):
"I think that Plausibility just left and Stupid and his pals, Asinine, Suspension of Belief and Preposterousness just showed up and they're sticking around for awhile."
But the best fighting scene is the motor oil fighting scene. Long story short, Frank Martin (everyone's favorite stoic, rigid mercenary) is now shirtless and fighting two people (who through the miracle of editing, turn into eight people). What does he do? He dumps oil on the ground to have everyone slip and slide.
BUT IT GETS BETTER.
Frank Martin dumps oil on him. He actually kicks over a bucket of oil and ROLLS. AROUND. IN. IT. If it was a woman, this is where the porn music would start playing. It was the most awesome scene I've seen in a bad movie.
The sad thing is that I'm now jonesin' for another hit. I want to see the House of Ass Kickin', opening car chase, bad hip-hop and all of it again. I want to see how ever French person apparently knows kung-fu. I want to see evil Pacey. I want to see the sub-par double, triple and quadruple crossing again. I want to see Jason Statham be all cool, calm and ass-kicking. I want to see the Columbo-like French cop and the warped cat-and-mouse game with Frank Martin.
What I'm sad about is that they didn't include the scene where The Transporter deflects a missile with a tea tray because it was taken out at Statham's request because he didn't think audiences would believe it.
This is a decision that was made in a movie that contains a scene of a car jumping off of a bridge and landing perfectly onto a truck trailer carrying cars. For the record, that was the moment when plausibility left the building.
Shit. I might have to buy the DVD now.
*shakes fist* DAMN YOU KEIDRA!
6 comments:
Aw yeah, Luc Besson and Europa Corp should pay my ass!
You know, I saw Evil Pacey on an episode of Law and Order or something. He always has that Evil Pacey look, he'll never escape it.
Glad you liked!
Oh wait, and the two guys that turn into eight guys. In any other movie that would annoy me so much. In The Transporter, its like icing!
WELL DONE KEIDRA!
I cannae believe you didn't got love for the homies before, dude.
I so own that movie. Buy it. It's worth the investment, trust.
I mean, dude, motor oil. bike pedals. Jason Statham shirtless at every available opportunity, and some that just make no goddamn sense.
phwoar. I might watch it now. i'm all flustered.
also, ROFL@ Evil Pacey.
*singing* I got love for my homies...
Oh my.
I must see this movie. It sounds like "Center Stage", but with ass-kicking instead of ballet.
That movie does kick ass, and to add the true icing to the cake the sequel is coming out soon. I hope they don't fuck it up.
A movie doesn't have to be believable if your main character is ass-kickingly cool enough.
If you like transporter ass-whomping, then try the "gun-fu" insanity of Equilibrium. It has some of the best fight sequences and no-one saw the dam thing.
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