Sunday U2 Sermons: The highest highs and the lowest lows

Being a U2 fan isn't easy -- you deal with ridicule of friends who call the band "pretentious," "overblown" and "Jesus and Pals". You also watch the band take steps that cause you to sigh, "Why the hell did you think that having Pras redo 'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' was a good idea?"

But the latest news is more disturbing to me because it's impacting ME personally. The band's about to start its third leg of its tour in America. I'm going to the Sept. 25 concert in Milwaukee (floor seats baby!) and I was curious about the opening act. Not surprisingly there's rumors left and right -- Kayne West, My Chemical Romance and Keane are some of the people mentioned that might open for the band.

Interlude:
My 13-year-old: "OMG! MCR is sooo HAWT! But not as much as Chester Bennington from Linkin Park!"
Me: "Quiet you!"

I was hoping for something like Kings of Leon again. While they weren't the best opening act -- they never really won the crowd over, I didn't mind the roaring Southern fried rock band at all. If anything, I got introduced into a group that I wouldn't object to listening to in the future.

If that wasn't to occur, I was hoping for at least another band that I like opening -- I mean Garbage and No Doubt opened during Elevation, both bands that get me up and moving like a deranged pogo stick.

But no -- I was denied. Instead of something cool, I've got Dashboard Confessional opening for the Sept. 25 show. Joy. Emo music that makes me incite violence in reaction to the dullness of the songs.

I attempted to listen to Dashboard Confessional. I listed to "So Long, So Long". For what seemed like 10 years, the song played with no structure -- no roaring chorus, no build-up. Nothing interesting. Even Jeff, the man who tells me to give everything a chance instead of being an opinionated bitch said, "Wow. That was shit."

The funny thing is that even some Emo purists don't think that Dashboard Confessional is real Emo. I decided to read up on the subject -- just to get some more background so I knew what the hell I was talking about. On the website "What the heck *is* emo anyway?" the writer referred to Dashboard Confessional as "post-emo indie rock:

By 1999, this type of music had achieved a fan base far larger than any of the original emo stuff. In fact, that's what prompted me to write this website in the first place - the glut of info on the web about this and the lack of a historical perspective. Statistically, you the reader are most likely to be familiar with this type of emo. In the years since then, it's only grown far, far bigger. Jimmy Eat World and Thursday are in regular rotation on MTV and many corporate alternative radio stations, and sappy music like this Dashboard Confessional fellow is pulling in a whole new audience. This is well on its way to becoming a major demographic market, soon after which we'll see a lot of new bands with zero real connection to the original underground scene (unlike for instance Jimmy Eat World, who used to open at every emo show in Phoenix way back in 1994).

There was even rumors that U2 tribute band The Thrills was going to open on that date. I've heard two of their songs, "Big Sur" and "One Horse Town" -- "One Horse Town" reminds me of the more depressed and comatose twin brother of "Even Better Than the Real Thing."

Both options suck. If it's going to be Dashboard Confessional, I might need to bring a pillow to the show so I can take a nap. The worst part is that I can't really avoid the opening act because we're (Jeff, me, Jeff's friend Mike and the lovely U2 fanatic Emily) going to wait in line to try and get a good position on the floor.

Why not Garbage again? I mean, their latest CD Bleed Like Me is doing alright. Hell, I'll take Kayne West, Coldplay or Keane over this. In my mind, the opening act should get the crowd amped up and ready to party -- not want a blankie, a cuppa tea and a pillow.

I'm not going to hate the concert really -- I mean, the opening act is on for an hour's worth of pain (which hopefully I can happily snark through). Then I get the pleasure of a couple hours with U2. I suppose that for the Biblically inclined, this is me going through the music equivalent of the trial of Job to get to musical paradise.