Monday, June 02, 2008

Monthly report: Month 11.5 -- Yes, I know I'm late.

Dear Benevolent Dictator --

Last month you turned 11 months old. I know you're reading this going, "Where the hell is the monthly report?" and I have a good excuse for you. When you turned 11 months old, you were busy conquering the hearts and minds of every single senior citizen in Florida. Not to mention, Grandma and Grandpa.

For me, this is the month when your personality really began to shine. You are, my dear, one determined little cookie. Your daddy was watching you one day while I was out (or passed out) and he told me later that you were unhappy. Thinking that it was a draft of something like that, he attempted to turn off the ceiling fan. Which made you more unhappy. Which you let him know on no uncertain terms.

I thought it was hysterical. As of late, you've been lodging a lot of complaints with the Embassy regarding our actions. You don't like it when we don't walk with you, you hate it when we pull you away from something interesting like a light socket or heavy books on a bookshelf and you also scream when I attempt to remove wood chips and other items that you should've have in your mouth.

You're also moving around hella fast. Right now your favorite thing is to walk while holding our hands. While it's hell on our backs, it's fun to see you run around in circles, stop quickly and twist your body around to do a 180 and head off in a new direction. Not to mention, it's pretty adorable when you look up at us with a big happy grin as if to say, "FEET? FOR WALKING? WHAT A NEAT CONCEPT!"

This month (and a half) also proved to me that you really are a good traveler. You adapted well to Florida and the plane ride was pretty good both ways. You had fun swimming and charmed the hell out of everyone we met. I don't know where you get it from. You look at people and study them intently (also known as your "all business face" TM Auntie K.). Even when someone gets up in your grill and talking baby talk, you're like "Whatever. I'm plotting my world domination. Are you in or out?"

And inevitably, everyone's in. They all say you're beautiful. Which is just confirmation of what I already knew.

While in Florida it was fun to hear you wake up in the morning. Most of the time, I would hear something like "Abababahahahawaba dadadaaaa PBBBBTTTT!" over the monitor, which cracked me up. That was our running joke in Florida -- all of us would talk like that to you, and you'd gleefully answer back in raspberries.

You're also good at zerberting my legs, which elicits giggles from both me and you. You'll come up to me with a devilish gleam in your eye, bend down and attach your mouth to my leg and suddenly "PBBBBT!" Saliva everywhere.

You've pretty much graduated onto finger foods (thanks to the fact that you're top two teeth have FINALLY come down). You loved Grandpa's ribs and grilled chicken. You didn't care for egg noodles, which was made obvious by you going "Bleah!" and then sorting the noodles out of your food and chucking them over the side of the high chair.

Yeah, we need to talk about your table manners. Chucking stuff over the side is not considered polite. And it's a bitch to clean.

So yeah, I guess that this month, your plans for world domination are progressing smoothly. You've got the looks, the personality and the charm to create your own army. I once said that I ruled the world (but was smart enough not to let the world know, which would plunge everything into chaos). Now I realize that I was just a placeholder (and monkey minion) until you assume the role.



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