Recently, I've been feeling kind of insecure -- not about my marriage or my skills as a mother, but about making friends.
Which is weird -- I have plenty of good friends and people who I adore hanging out with. But they don't have kids.
I've been thinking about this more and more as Benevolent Dictator gets close to the nine month marker, or the point where you're booted out of the Mommy-Baby support group I currently attend. While one mom there has offered to host a group at her house, and there's a mailing list to participate on, I've been feeling insecure about the whole thing.
It's no secret that I've always been kind of an outsider, the weirdo in any group. I talk too bluntly, talk too loudly and can be an opinionated asshole. Well, until I hit college and found a group of weirdos and outsiders just like me who became great friends. Now, as I hit the motherhood frontier, I'm now plunged back into feeling like an outsider and weirdo.
This isn't anything against the moms there. They're a wonderful group of women who have great babies that I have a hard time being myself in front of. I feel like the weirdo that they tolerate because I feel like I've got nothing in common with them, other than the fact that we all have babies around the same age.
It wouldn't be such a big deal if it was just me. I'd happily fade away and do my own thing. But now I'm thinking about BD and her hanging out with other babies (not that they do much except steal each others toys and attempt to gouge each other in the eyes). She does like seeing other babies and kids. It's good for her to get out and see other people who aren't Mommy, Daddy and the assortment of tall friends.
If BD was older, it'd also be easier because she could choose her own friends and while I'd have to know the parents, it wouldn't be as necessary for me to find people I could easily talk to or at the very least not feel as awkward as I do now.
Maybe it's my problem. Maybe it's that I'm thinking too hard about this and feeling like no one wants to hang out with me (reminiscent of the "No Homers Club" on The Simpsons). Maybe I'm wrong in how I feel. Maybe I'm being too guarded. I have no idea.
Meeting new people can be so hard sometimes. Sometimes I wish it was as easy as when I was four and it was just a matter of lived closest to you and had the best swing set. I'm just looking for the slightly geeky parents with an inappropriate sense of humor -- either that or people that will tolerate my inappropriate ass. Anyone got any advice?