Sunday, March 09, 2008

When they said trolling for dates, I don't think they were thinking of this

Recently, I've been feeling kind of insecure -- not about my marriage or my skills as a mother, but about making friends.

Which is weird -- I have plenty of good friends and people who I adore hanging out with. But they don't have kids.

I've been thinking about this more and more as Benevolent Dictator gets close to the nine month marker, or the point where you're booted out of the Mommy-Baby support group I currently attend. While one mom there has offered to host a group at her house, and there's a mailing list to participate on, I've been feeling insecure about the whole thing.

It's no secret that I've always been kind of an outsider, the weirdo in any group. I talk too bluntly, talk too loudly and can be an opinionated asshole. Well, until I hit college and found a group of weirdos and outsiders just like me who became great friends. Now, as I hit the motherhood frontier, I'm now plunged back into feeling like an outsider and weirdo.

This isn't anything against the moms there. They're a wonderful group of women who have great babies that I have a hard time being myself in front of. I feel like the weirdo that they tolerate because I feel like I've got nothing in common with them, other than the fact that we all have babies around the same age.

It wouldn't be such a big deal if it was just me. I'd happily fade away and do my own thing. But now I'm thinking about BD and her hanging out with other babies (not that they do much except steal each others toys and attempt to gouge each other in the eyes). She does like seeing other babies and kids. It's good for her to get out and see other people who aren't Mommy, Daddy and the assortment of tall friends.

If BD was older, it'd also be easier because she could choose her own friends and while I'd have to know the parents, it wouldn't be as necessary for me to find people I could easily talk to or at the very least not feel as awkward as I do now.

Maybe it's my problem. Maybe it's that I'm thinking too hard about this and feeling like no one wants to hang out with me (reminiscent of the "No Homers Club" on The Simpsons). Maybe I'm wrong in how I feel. Maybe I'm being too guarded. I have no idea.

Meeting new people can be so hard sometimes. Sometimes I wish it was as easy as when I was four and it was just a matter of lived closest to you and had the best swing set. I'm just looking for the slightly geeky parents with an inappropriate sense of humor -- either that or people that will tolerate my inappropriate ass. Anyone got any advice?


K. said...

It's never easy, at any time, I think to put yourself out there and forge new relationships, especially when you already have a core social circle it's very easy and safe to just stick with that and not stick one's neck out and go to corny-ass socializing event with strangers (see: me and dating. Also I'm terribly introverted, so I don't know how people do it. I always think I seem to make friends by accident because I am not a gregarious friend making type.)

I think, though, thanks to the Internetz it's a bit easier for weirdos to find one another. Maybe start a Meet-Up group or something! You always run the risk of associating with real weirdos - you know the ones. But it's hit or miss, but sometimes it works out.

Some of us do want to hang out with you more often! We just live a bit far away from each other:(

Eva said...

Trying to make friends once you're out of school sucks. Even without extenuating circumstances like kids. :(

At this point you don't need to find people you love to hang out with if what you want is some socialization time for the kiddo, but it will definitely help if you can find other geeky people who understand where you're coming from. There must be some out there, so don't give up!

As silly as it sounds, you might try posting a flier at Pegasus and trying to arrange a group of gamer geek parents to hang out. Even if all you can get is ladies who are married to gamer geeks, at least you'll have a little more in common with them. :)

Heather said...

Happy Bambino over in my neighborhood has classes.

You can also try loitering at the children's museum. If you've got a baby w/ you you don't seem like a weirdo, right? :)