Monthly report: Fifth month -- Don't you ever sleep?

Dear BD --

I had a sweet letter planned out for you this month about how big you've gotten and how neat it's been that you've now discovered the world outside of yourself and the fact that it's interactive. I planned to say how interesting it is to see how your curiousity is now awakened and you love to play with toys and do various things like eat solid food. I wanted to raphodize about how much fun it is to see you giggle and laugh and how you sound like a baby pteradactyol when you screech sometimes.

I also wanted to tell you that you started solid foods this month and unlike other kids who have a "WTF?" look about them, you took to it fabulously. You took to it so well, you sometimes lunge for the spoon, which does scare me and your dad sometimes because we're afraid that you'll either choke or take the spoon apart with your jaws.

I wanted to say how awesome it is that you're playing in your Exersaucer and not standing on the outside, screaming in terror at the pimped-out over stimulation that it can be at times. I wanted to say how interesting it is to get flickers of a personality -- slightly cautious, yet sweet, easygoing and quick to smile in her own element. Not to mention, you do have the best facial expressions to convey all emotions.

Then you recently started teething (or what I suspected was teething) and you started not sleeping well and, as a result, I started not to sleep well. Good lord child, don't know realize that to have a functioning slave, she needs her rest? Especially if said slave is feeding you from her boobs?

You taunted me before -- you were getting up once at night for a nice sleepy little feed and that was it. Then you rocketed up to getting up three or four times a night. I can't keep up with that anymore -- don't you realize that people need to ramp up to these things slowly?

Baby books recommend that when you wake up at night to let you fuss a bit and see if you'll settle down on your own. These writers obviously have not encountered you iron will. When you wake up, it's obviously for something judging by your angry grunts. Instead of quieting down, you get louder, as if to say, "PLEBE! I SAID SOME HERE NOW! I NEED REFRESHMENT/DIAPER CHANGED/CONVERSATION!" I've got no choice but to respond to you, because if I don't, my head will explode because the grunting and moaning are at the right frequency to rattle my skull.

I have to ask: Is this something all babies are taught to do in the womb? Is there a "How to drive your parents crazy" class before you come out of the tunnel?

I know that I'm obsessing over your sleep. I obsess because it affects my sleep also. But when I think about it, overall, it could be worse. You never fail to greet me with a big, happy toothless grin, no matter how foul of a mood you were in before. You also love it when I make silly noises with my mouth or bounce you up and down while singing "Jump Around."

You're easygoing -- you can play by yourself for a long time before you start needing my attention. You love watching me do things like cook or wash dishes (but not for too long, before you get bored and start grunting again). Did I also mention you're a fan of the Sopranos like your mom? Or that you like watching Anthony Bourdain's "No Reservations" with your parents?

You're also a great traveler -- like your parents, you like to watch things and see new sights. Everyone who sees you is enamoured with you. Strangers say you're beautiful. Friends like you. Your family loves you to death. You are, without a doubt, deeply, deeply loved.

Now if we could get back to where both of us can get lots of sleep, that would be perfect. Of course, I'd like a pony too.

Love,

Momma