Monday, August 30, 2004

I'm not one to think of conspiracies . . .

But after watching the end of the MTV awards this year, I can't help but think that this year's election is going to be particularity bloody for some reason. I think that with the Outkast performance that looked like a political convention I can't help but think weird thoughts. I know that MTV's been doing Rock the Vote for ages now as well as Choose or Lose, but I've never seen them mix politics in so heavily. There's statements from performers, but this was a flat-out performance with voting shit.

It could be that this is a big election year -- or (and I can't help but think this even though I'm a hippie liberal chick) it could've been an attempt to bolster Kerry's camp. I mean, most young voters I know are typically not fans of the Shrub (me being on of them) -- logically, if you can get them to vote, the odds are increased that Shrub will be forced out. Barring a terrorist attack or a Supreme Court intervention.

And the music industry isn't exactly known for being huge Republican supporters. The last time I think I saw this much Choose or Loose stuff was with Shrub the elder and a young upstart from Arkansas. Makes you wonder. Of course I could be paranoid. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Admittedly, I was surprised to see the Kerry girls get booed as well as the Bush girls during their appearance urging people to vote. Maybe politics and entertainment (or at least corporate, sanitized entertainment) don't mix.

In other news, this was the year of Shirley temple curls and fugly outfits. You'd think a stylist would've told Beyonce not to go out dressed in gold lame and with hair by Farrah Fawcett. Beyonce, while I think that you're overrated, you seem like a nice girl so I won't consign you to the Island of Suck (tm Amanda), but girl, fire your mom. Seriously. I know that she might ground you for life and not let you see Jay-Z, but your mom shouldn't be dressing you. I learned that one at an early age.

Jennifer Lopez -- before I send you to the Island of Suck, take off that silly-ass hat.

Other than that, the MTV awards pretty much cemented my belief that it's gotten to be a bloated dinosaur that wants to be cool but isn't anymore. Why is Usher cool? Why do people think Jessica Simpson can sing? Why does Hoobastank exist? It's gotten to be very businesslike, despite their desire to be "We're too cool for school."

Bullshit. You could've had Steve Jobs or Bill Gates in there talking about their newest technological toys and it would've worked. I remember when there used to be a video that wasn't heavily played, but very cool. Now there isn't even that. It used to recognize artistic and technological achievement, but now it's about who's popular. Other than the MTV2 and Best Director award and some other oddball winners, none of the videos that won this year will be remembered for much. Unlike Pearl Jam's Jeremy, which was a creepy, but cool video or Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer, which was a technological marvel.

Even though people are spending millions on their videos now, they all look alike and feel alike. Watch the dancer shake her ass and tits as she licks her lips. Watch the weird camera cuts. It's all predictable.

Anyways, this is about the show. I still hate Matthew Lillard and watching him surf into the crowd on an inflatable raft didn't help things much. I still want to punch him in the face.

They should've also just let Dave Chappelle host. It wouldn't have sucked so much. Not having a host deprived us at home of a snarky voice to echo what we were thinking. I mean, his "performance" was at most 30 seconds both times. If the man was there, just let him host dammit!

The Polyphonic Spree is a creepy band. My advice to the members is -- just say no to the Kool-aid. Trust me on this one. I know that it's supposed to be happy music, but after listening to them, I just wanted to kill someone. But my version of happy music is more "This is Your Life" from Fight Club. Yeah, I'm broken.

Also, if you're going to have rapper perform, don't censor random words. Why is "naked" a dirty word? Why not just remove the rapper with the stupid song about sex? I mean, if you bleep about 10 seconds of the song, you might as well just cut the performance. Goodness knows you only allowed the intro, bridge and chorus in the performance and cut everything else.

The only good performance? Alicia Keys with Stevie Wonder and a winged Lenny Kravitz. Now we know how he does his Gap jeans -- with little wings so he can fly away. Bad pun I know.

I don't know why I still watch. Maybe it's a weird optimism that music will get better someday. Or maybe I just like giving myself an ulcer. Either way, I managed to work myself up into a Lewis Black frothing fit regarding Jessica Simpson's rendition of Angels by Robbie Williams. Can I declare a fatwa on her head for massacring that song?

Bah. At least the MTV Europe awards are still cool. Hopefully they'll show that soon. And their music is much better. At least I managed to scar Keidra during our phone call and do my Little Jon impersonation.

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