Sunday, July 18, 2004

Question for ya'll

So I've been thinking for a bit about sexual politics -- thanks to a comment made on Keidra's blog about wanting a sugar daddy so she could have the job of her dreams. And the one question that I have running through my head is the following:

Are you a bad feminist if you want a sugar daddy/mamma to support your dream job?

Sorry to get all Carrie Bradshaw on ya'll, but I've been kicking this idea around for awhile. Maybe it's the situation that I'm in that makes me mull this over. Without Jeff's income, we wouldn't have the bobo lifestyle that we have right now. A lifestyle that I will freely admit that I love. It's comfortable, we're not eating cat food and we're doing what we want and there's no worries. That's not to say that I don't love Jeff. I do love the man -- anyone who knows us sees that obviously. We both just got lucky that he knows computers.

One of my friends doesn't think it's bad feminism. "It's allowing you to do what you want, so why not?" she said. I'm still on the fence. To me, there's something different about happening to be with someone who makes an assload more moola than you do than seeking out a person to support your endeavors. Where that line is, I don't know.

But even in a loving relationship, the money politics can be there. I can feel it sometimes when I think about how much my job makes and how much Jeff's makes. It's not a cool feeling knowing that if he happened to become unemployed for whatever reason *heaven forbid* we're fucked. My job barely makes the living wage here -- there's no way we could afford what we've got now with just my salary.

Another person I know is in a similar situation to the one I outlined above. She earned far less than her husband -- until he lost his job. Now she's the primary breadwinner and I know she doesn't earn much more than I do.

So I want to hear from the approximately five or less readers on this blog. What's your feelings on sugar mammas/daddies? Are you a bad feminist if you're depending on them to do what you love?


Anonymous said...

What happens between a woman and someone else's bank account, consentually and in the privacy of their own finances, is no one else's business.


K. said...

Oh gosh, no! And I certainly wasn't implying that a woman with a spouse/boyfriend that makes more is "selling out" if they are able to do non-paying /low-paying job that they love as a result, but there is the prevailing notion of "independent women doin' it for themselves" in contemporary feminism, and the idea of *seeking out* a man to finacially support you certainly flies in the face of that.

In my case, he doesn't even need to be a sugar daddy, he could be a kindly old elderly benefactor willing to give me a few hundred thousand bucks. Or a member of the staff of the MacArthur Foundation willing to give me a "genius grant." I just want the money.

Viv said...

I hear ya, but there's something about money and the relationships that makes it difficult to think about without placing in a power context for me. Especially when I see how people get when they realize how much Jeff makes in comparison to what I do. For some reason (and I could be projecting like a mofo), I get the impression of, "Whoa! She played her cards right!" from them.

No matter what, I think that some people will pass judgements on a couple and in who makes more/less in the pairing.

But like I said, I could be projecting. And Keidra -- if I could be your generous benefactor I would. But I'd have to do that for all my friends. While I'm kind, I ain't that kind.